tell tale signs of impending change

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Fig.1:  When I need to clear my head, clear my thoughts, I go to the water.  Reykjavik Iceland. Greenland Sea.

 

I have a huge decision to make. HUGE. And while for some people that is super easy for some reason at this point in my life (or maybe all points) I am really struggling with decisions. I stress like an overthinking motherfucker, I lose sleep, I talk to everyone about, I even go as far as being physically unable to sleep, socialize or do anything normal because of it.

In my later years I have noticed patterns or things I do when a massive change in my life is about to occur:

  1. Anxiety. My anxiety reaches an all encompassing level.  I literally walk around in days in a full blown anxiety attack. I even wish I had friends these days with Xanax or something of that nature. I have an inability to focus, to have conversations, to just be a normal person doing normal things.
  2. I buy hair dye. Currently at home I have lavender and pastel pink, both wash out in 6 washed but nonetheless I bought the hair dye – lots of hair dye. I then do something stupid to my hair. I usually then spend 6 months repairing said stupid hair decision.
  3. UNSUBSCRIBE.  This time I unsubscribed to all the YouTubers I was following who weren’t aligned with my current mission. I also deleted Facebook and YouTube from my phone. In the past I have deleted social media apps – take away all social influence.  I also turned off notifications to everything on my phone so I am not getting 5000 little icons telling me to watch videos, pay attention to traffic, weather pop ups and everything else. I shut off.
  4. Clean out my closet and donate. This will inevitably be a weekend project. But I have so many things that I don’t wear, don’t fit or are just not right. Get rid of old me stuff.
  5. Eat up all the things in my freezer. I am a meal prep machine. Often I make extra so I can freeze them. But every now and again my freezer goes all crazy and I need to eat up everything and start fresh.
  6. Clean out my cupboards. Same concepts. Clean out and regroup.
  7. Drink tea. Tea is so relaxing and it makes you think. I forget to attempt to shut everything off.
  8. Think about it to a point that I can no longer write about it.
  9. Finally reach a point that I can write  – hello blog post?!@
  10. Agonize over every possible life solution and try to make what I deems is a sound, grown up decision.

The truth is since I moved to Edmonton. Life hasn’t been that much fun. I have had fun times but over all I feel low most of the time. I have consistently worked 50-60 hours a weeks to at first catch up on bills and now to pay for my life.  In the last year I have dabbled on and off with weight watchers in hopes to get back to my healthy self. However, it has proven to be incredible difficult with working so much. So a few months ago I decided I needed a better paying job. I needed to change things up. I needed something different.  So my decision is contemplating a shift. Choosing me and health before choosing a job and money.

 

I got offered something that isn’t in my field that I would be a perfect fit for. I accepted it instantly doing all the things I need to do to make it happen. Then I realized my current life with all my bills that the perks of this job  wouldn’t be perks because I would never be able to actually use them making me wonder if it really is worth it. Enter Crisis.

So now I am about a few weeks out and I need to make decisions. I need to wake up, smell the coffee and get all grown up about what my actual needs, desire and wants are. What the fuck do I want my life to look like?

As I savagely tear apart my apartment I wonder what the universe has in store of me. See I have known for a long time there are no right or wrong decisions just choices. And with every choice there are pros and cons and you just have to fucking deal with the consequences of your choices. How do you make a decision knowing all those things? I am proposing a plan. I am just going to throw it out in the universe and if it is meant to be, it’ll happen. Nothing else I can do about it.

How do you deal with impending change? What are you go to decision making solution? What do you do when you really want something but road blocks are there?

 

Day in the Life

 

I thought it would be mega fun to take you along on a day where I work both my jobs. Normally I only work a double shift on Wednesdays and every other Friday – sometimes I do more … but not very often. Working two jobs can be soul sucking if you don’t manage your time.

 

 

Hit like if you like, comment below, comment on the YouTube video too. I love hearing from you – it makes making content so much more fun. Woot, Woot!

xoxo,

C

 

PAUSE.

Since sometime before my trip to Iceland in early November I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with everything in my life. Not in a ‘I quit and want to run away’ kind of way but in a growing, learning, need to restructure kind of way. Now as we roll into the festive season I have come down with one of those gnarly head colds that takes over your life. The kind that makes socializing seem entirely impossible and makes you want to stand in a hot shower for hours on end. I am that kind of sick. It has been making me feel like I need to take a big step back from all the jobs, blogs, vlogs and such and just reevaluate where I want to put all my time.

I need a pause.

Yesterday I was reading some online bloggery about goals and time management and how we can only feasibly work on so many big projects a year. We need to pick the most important ones and  make a master plan of monthly goals, weekly goals and daily goals in order to achieve success for the year.  My problem is that I have too many project on the go and they all mean the world to me, I want to be perfect at all of them. See success in all of them – how is one supposed to really just pick 2 things. Right?!

2016 or 2017 goals, reflections – all that crazy jazz you “supposed” to think about this time of year… Being sick and the end of the year – it is just making me think I need a gawd damn break. I have been working full tilt since I move to Edmonton. 2 jobs, plus creative outlets, conventions and then stressing that I have no time for anything else. I think this time of year you just need to hit pause, see how far you have come, what you can do to make things better, what you need to weed out, who you might need to weed out and just focus on all the amazing accomplishments you make in your life. Pause isn’t a bad thing. Pause is just a time to reflect so moving forward can be more successful, more brilliant and more of exactly what you want.

I am saying that even through I am working straight through Christmas this year, I am sick as a dog and am at my full time job because I need to money to pay my rent and bills. I write this from my work office desk, on a full blown dayquil binge, and after 32oz of caffeine … thinking to myself, why have I extended myself so bad that I need to work when I am so sick. I am learning I need to be better at hitting pause and taking care of myself. I need to stop feeling guilty for not doing things and living up to unreasonable expectations I put on myself. I am writing this because I think there are a lot of people out there that forget to give themselves a break. Forget who they are in the blanket of hurry, and money and bills and life – when we all just need a moment to chill the fuck out, be thankful and be gawddamn grateful for everyone in our lives.

So this is me telling you this Holiday season –  to remember to take a moment to pause and reflect and realize that your are a bomb ass person who is achieving your goals. You are awesome. And even Awesome people need a break sometimes.

Next.

There are moments. Pensive moments. They happen often enough where I get into this reflective state and truly wonder if my decision to set up camp longer term in Edmonton was a wise one.  I mean I don’t mind Edmonton. There are moments where it is kind of pretty.  The weather is generally okay. You know Prairie winters and all. The city is just seedy enough and the people are just struggling enough that I don’t feel super marginalized.  There is an international airport. I work more than I should, I sleep more than I should. I am tried a lot. A whole lot of my free time goes into my obsession with eating vegan food as much as possible. And hopefully figuring out this weight loss thing. Cooking. Meal preping. Trying to figure out this YouTube thing. Sometimes blogging. Really Edmonton isn’t horrible. My Question is though:

When do you throw in the towel and say to yourself  – this, this thing I am doing is not working!

I am not paying off my debt. I am not moving forward. Instead I am standing still trying to keep up. Trying to invest enough to get ahead but not quite enough to be successful. I am slowing putting the building blocks in place to create this thing that I don’t quite understand yet but I know will be a thing.

This last week we had to make some hard decision about our convention. Not quitting just not signing on for things we are not ready for, and moving the date forward. It was a bit of a blow to the forward motion. A bit of a what now? What is next? That coupled with the massive reflective state that comes with travel and I have landed here .. wondering if this job, this city, this place is cultivating happiness and the life I want or is it cultivating frustration and loneliness and an understanding that I am meant to be doing something different, something bigger.

I am really bad for breaking promises I make to myself. In particular the ones that are all about – you know –  taking care of my needs. So I just keep just doing the same things and hoping for the best. And we all know that quote about insanity  … there is nothing worse than a person that constantly complains about their situation and then does absolutely nothing to try and change it. I am not sure I fit into that category. I don’t hate my life. I just want to see debt get paid off faster, all while still keeping my sanity, seeing a successful amount of pounds fall off, get to travel as much as I want and keep on paying all my bills. And a few other things that are less public but just as important. I just am trying to be so much more intentional about the way that I live and the things that I choose and the people I surround myself with – the older I get the easier it is to shut people out and hang out by myself.

So I am just wondering. When is your next?!  Do you reflect in the same way? Do you evaluate what you are doing and tweak it, make changes, look for different opportunities?  When do you say – yup I have been doing this a 6 months, a year, 2 years … and then its not working? What is the time frame for making sure you are seeing the progress you want to see?

When do you throw in your towel?

Get at me in the comment down below – I learn, you learn, we all learn!

 

The USA Election.

Sweet Jesus!

I seriously watched in disbelief as Donald Trump won the American Presidential election last night. What does one even say?! It is beyond shocking to me that bigotry, misogyny and stupidity won an election. I don’t even understand at what point … in the year 2016 … a Country voted to get rid of their civil rights?

For the most part I know the RAD-EST of American people – the ones that have taken into their own hands to educate themselves about the world beyond what they learned in their Country. I know the ones that spent time abroad, that took education into their own hands and that really wouldn’t vote for such an atrocity. I am lucky to know the awesome ones!

But to the rest of you … there is a very strong sentiment today that I think some of you need to be reminded of … my Country, Canada, is not your consolation prize! We are rad as fuck up here and for you to think you can just come and stay is a reminder of the ignorance that plagues a good population of American people. We have always been awesome. We are not awesome just because you suck so bad right now!

I am honestly in shock as much as you all are – this might be the most terrifying thing I have ever seen on the news. But, you will survive. And, Hey – if it makes you feel better – we voted in Harper! And I think we are recovering just fine (at the moment).

Anyway – I naively don’t know a lot about American politics. We run our Country very different.  I watched the debates, I saw some platforms … And I seriously wonder if another American presidential assassination might happen?!

This also might be the time that you all consider that work abroad idea that has been floating around in your head for sometime? I mean – there are lots of cool places to see 🙂

It is going to be an interesting 4 years to say the least.

 

CHOICES

This week is incredible busy for me. I am in Virginia, USA and out of my normal routine. Doing other things. Working on different stuff. Trying things from a new angle.

While trying to cram in the most amount of amazing as possible it has really occurred to me the amount of choices we have in North America. Just yesterday I was in Whole Food Market and discovered like 30 different kinds of Larabars. I was excited yes, overwhelmed – indeed! I am not sure that is just in the USA but my point is … everytime we leave our houses we are bombarded with choice. We are assaulted with the many options that make us a “freedom filled” society. But it occurred to me  – are the amount of choices that are available to us at a benefit to our sanity. Or is there a dark side to choices?

Is all the choice causing us anxiety?

In my never ending search for talented online businesses that revolve around social media I find a million you-tubers making “what I eat in a day” videos or “how I plan my life” videos or “where to find vegan food” ideas. We have a choice of who entertains us on the big scene,  we choose what we listen to, we choose what to read.

So with out doubt – there must be a complete understanding that we choose our life!

We choose our path and we choose what sort of people, music, and knowledge that occupies our mind space  – we choose to shape our world from the options given to us.

Just curious – what kind of choices are you making to cultivate the life you want?

PLEASE HIT SUBSCRIBE

COMMENT BELOW – WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT MAKES YOUR LIFE SO AMAZING?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

birth of minimalism

Manifesting Amazing

There are a myriad of people on your life journey. In this particular instance (that of manifestation) there are two types; those that believe they can manifest things and those that don’t. I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, truly believing that you are worthy of something and then letting the universe just take care of the rest of it.

I BELIEVE YOU CAN MANIFEST GREATNESS INTO YOUR LIFE!

About two months ago – I was trying to decide if I thought moving would be the best decision for me. I put it out in the universe that I wanted to live in a certain area of the city, in a certain style of apartment, for a certain price. Yesterday, the universe delivered. I believe the universe took care of my request. I set my intention and settled for nothing less. I have noticed that being clear minded and using my intuition has been a tool that, when used properly, allows me perfectly predict or clearly know and understand things that are going to happen. It has really has been the last year or so that I truly believed in my own abilities to ask, believe and receive the things that I truly want.

So on the daily I have a reminder on my phone to just be awesome, accept abundance and just be in the moment. I remind myself to take time to really think about what I want. And to be clear with myself and the universe the things that are important to me. I spent the 10 minutes to reinforce my beliefs in myself and my abilities.

There are a lot of moments we need to be reminded to be awesome, love yourself, love what you do, create amazing things, dream big, go after your dreams, find that thing you really want to do and actually go for it and trust that you are talented. Maybe I just need these reminders but everything wonderful happens from believing you, yourself, is capable.

There are far to many people that are completely satisfied with a mediocre life which really means there is less competition for the ‘A game’. So I think it is within reason to leave the none believers to play for the mediocre prize while we all play in the bigger, more scary, yet more rewarding pool that has far less competition.

I didn’t just arrive here over night – I read books. I read the Secret, Ask and it is Given, the Vortex, You can heal your life,  I watch Abraham Hicks on YouTube. I see all the 1000’s of people that have created business’ by blogging, writing, vlogging, dj-ing – People that have created companies that run all sorts of wonderful things that they are super passionate about. There are so many creative ways to sustain yourself and live the life that you want without being confined by Monday to Friday, 9-5pm or working your ass off doing two jobs. I think if it it doesn’t feel like work you have found your happy place. I am not saying it won’t take work to get there, heck I work two jobs but I am on the path to achieving.

The key to getting more is figuring out how to make it happen. Surround yourself by people that encourage you to be a better, faster, smarter person. I work my ass off to become a better person every day, endlessly trying to be better, create an audience, I ask the universe for abundance and trust in the process, the writing, the dreaming and the acting.

 

What is it that you really want from this journey? from your life? You only have so many years. How are you going to get it? Why settle for nothing when you can create something?!

I would love to hear from you – are you a believer in the law of attraction, manifestation and creating your own destiny?

 

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