Welcome to my new series about what I am doing now that I am grounded.
I am 1) grounded from flying, 2) feeling like I am a teenager grounded at home and not allowed to go out, 3) trying to figure out how to be spiritually and emotionally grounded.
Tune in for frequent posts about how I am dealing with it all: #grounded: a blog series
I said to my roommate in recent days that we are in the endless space time continuum of nothing and I really, really meant it.
Certainly we all know it is a strange, strange time. The unknown is crazy and very uncomfortable – the world as we know it is dramatically changing and we have no way of knowing how. What will our world look like in 3 months time, in 3 years time? …. Will we go back to things as they are? Will entire Countries collapse? Who knows?
The days are trucking on and on; this cold weather here in Calgary definitely has me feeling unmotivated and blue. I go through phases of productivity and fear. I go through the gauntlet of thoughts – like I guess it is time to figure out my life. Will I find a partner? Will I find a house? Will I travel forever? Is our world reverting to olden days and we will need to start canning and pickling and gardening to survive? Will we be the same? What do we need to prepare for? It feels a little bit like if you just told me – I would just get ready and make it happen. But no one can do that – no one has the answers.
Is it actually making me regret things that I didn’t ever do even though I wanted to, Things like:
Why did I never take journalism?
Why did I never move to Dubai to teach?
Why haven’t I traveled India yet?
Why did I let my life be chaos for so long? Why am I so boring now? Why am I eating bags of Doritos when no one is home but eating health drinks when people see me? When did binge eating become my norm? When did I become such an emotional eater? Can I fix this?
I guess it is just to much time to think? And Lordy knows – I am a thinker. Today I took the time to turn off the laptop and watching Netflix and Youtube and started with some podcasts (change it up, right?). It led me a a journey of micro dosing psychedelics and wondering if micro dosing on mushrooms would be a good idea during this time. Then I wondered if I had any connections to do this? Then realized how much my life has changed.
I started to dive into Arbonne’s 30 days to Healthy Living. I am not entire sure my gut can handle the sheer amount of detoxing – but it had me questioning my eating beliefs. Why am I so against eating eggs but I can wolf down some (enter some strange, really bad vegan junk food here)? When did my eating get so disordered?
I pulled out some jewelry bins and realized that I have lost my identity over the years. I stopped expressing myself with clothing and scarves and jewelry. Where did my creative identity go? – I assume it left when I moved back to Alberta and systematically gained weight working so hard to get myself out of debt.
As you can see – I am all over the map – day 3 & 4 have been me really evaluating my life. like really diving in – asking millions of questions with very few answers. It is crazy how the mind works in a time of limited stimulus. In the end, I continue to ask myself the same questions I have asked for years but then got to distracted to answer. What do I actually want? What is the vision?
Today’s plans – there is no list. There is no expectation. There is just me – spending time writing, reflecting and trying to figure it out. Times are changing hugely. I am just trying to keep up.
What phase of isolation/quarantine are you in today? Productive? Questioning? Pensive?