#grounded: a blog series [Day 3 &4 …]

Welcome to my new series about what I am doing now that I am grounded.
I am  1) grounded from flying,  2) feeling like I am a teenager grounded at home and not allowed to go out,  3) trying to figure out how to be spiritually and emotionally grounded.
Tune in for frequent posts about how I am dealing with it all:  #grounded: a blog series

 

I said to my roommate in recent days that we are in the endless space time continuum of nothing and I really, really meant it.

Certainly we all know it is a strange, strange time.  The unknown is crazy and very uncomfortable – the world as we know it is dramatically changing and we have no way of knowing how. What will our world look like in 3 months time, in 3 years time? …. Will we go back to things as they are? Will entire Countries collapse? Who knows?

Unsettling, right?!

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Me; thinking about stuff before writing stuff. Wondering about how my future is going to look. April 2020.

The days are trucking on and on; this cold weather here in Calgary definitely has me feeling unmotivated and blue. I go through phases of productivity and fear. I go through the gauntlet of thoughts – like I guess it is time to figure out my life. Will I find a partner? Will I find a house? Will I travel forever? Is our world reverting to olden days and we will need to start canning and pickling and gardening to survive? Will we be the same? What do we need to prepare for? It feels a little bit like if you just told me – I would just get ready and make it happen. But no one can do that – no one has the answers.

 

Is it actually making me regret things that I didn’t ever do even though I wanted to, Things like:

Why did I never take journalism?

Why did I never move to Dubai to teach?

Why haven’t I traveled India yet?

Why did I let my life be chaos for so long? Why am I so boring now? Why am I eating bags of Doritos when no one is home but eating health drinks when people see me? When did binge eating become my norm? When did I become such an emotional eater? Can I fix this?

I guess it is just to much time to think? And Lordy knows – I am a thinker. Today I took the time to turn off the laptop and watching Netflix and Youtube and started with some podcasts (change it up, right?). It led me a a journey of micro dosing psychedelics and wondering if micro dosing on mushrooms would be a good idea during this time. Then I wondered if I had any connections to do this? Then realized how much my life has changed.

I started to dive into Arbonne’s 30 days to Healthy Living. I am not entire sure my gut can handle the sheer amount of detoxing – but it had me questioning my eating beliefs. Why am I so against eating eggs but I can wolf down some (enter some strange, really bad vegan junk food here)? When did my eating get so disordered?

I pulled out some jewelry bins and realized that I have lost my identity over the years. I stopped expressing myself with clothing and scarves and jewelry. Where did my creative identity go? – I assume it left when I moved back to Alberta and systematically gained weight working so hard to get myself out of debt.

As you can see – I am all over the map – day 3 & 4 have been me really evaluating my life. like really diving in – asking millions of questions with very few answers. It is crazy how the mind works in a time of limited stimulus.  In the end, I continue to ask myself the same questions I have asked for years but then got to distracted to answer. What do I actually want? What is the vision?

Today’s plans  – there is no list. There is no expectation. There is just me – spending time writing, reflecting and trying to figure it out. Times are changing hugely. I am just trying to keep up.

What phase of isolation/quarantine are you in today? Productive? Questioning? Pensive?

Tinder is the Night

Since sometime before I moved to Edmonton I had long been dreaming of writing a blog about my online dating experiences because let me tell you when you are open minded and truly want to see the best in everyone – you really meet some interesting people. The problem is – there are lots of people that I have dated that could come across said tales of hilarity, awkwardness and down right insane-ness. Granted, I am not obtuse enough to think that people care about me that much or about what I have to say, or that people that  I used to date read my little rantings, also truth be told, there are a lot of them that just don’t speak very good English. So, there is that … but my point is – I haven’t quite figured out how to be descriptive yet vague, all telling but discrete – because lets be honest, subtleness is not my forte.

love

Anyway –  I am pondering the idea of opening up the flood gates of my adventures in online dating while in your 30ies, in a city where the primary industry is something I am not quite caught up in and the race to overworking and dying young is all to apparent. But since I too am caught up in money, money, money, money and the desperate desire to dominate my debt my dating life has kind of diminished. But with spring in the air – it’s time to get back on the dating saddle – full force. (hahahaha – yeah, I said that)

My experience so far in Edmonton has been sort of  bleak. Not totally – there have been a couple of super sweet not a good match men. But over all  I am uninspired. The online dating pool in your 30ies is flooded with men who are in “open relationships”  and they promise their wives know, it’s flooded with males looking for an adventurous women for their wife, a lot of rig pigs that have pictures of their freshly hunted deer, elk or some other animal that they have just murdered and them smiling so proud and accomplished. There is a whole bunch of people that aspire to travel but what they mean is all inclusive Mexico. I have been proposed to for a visa, offered to be paid to service a brother, been accused of being a prude because I wouldn’t let a man come to my apartment after a 3 text first conversation on Tinder, I have been ghosted more times than I can count, I have been friend zoned, laughed at and still, friends, I GO BACK FOR MORE! Needless to say it has been an interesting ride (pardon the pun) of interesting people and great stories.

choices

Basically this post is a feeler for the audience of such a monthly or weekly column of sorts on this lifestyle blog. So if you are reading this and think you might want to read such a series – throw down a like or a comment so I know people are interested.

Until then Beautifuls, remember the night is only as Tinder as you make it.

Love,

C