I am Feeling Frozen in Time with COVID19

I have written a new post almost everyday but I am so paralyzed by what is happening to me it is really hard to figure out what is appropriate to post. There is a post about where I am sitting with my MLM project, a post about fear, a post about what to do with your quarantine time, a post about how I am feeling as a flight attendant right now, and another about my emotions and sadness ….. but none of them seemed overly appropriate to post while we are all stressed about money and the lack here of. Moreover – by the time I write and edit – they seem irrelevant.

Like most of us my life is dramatically changing and unfolding by the day.  In the last few months I probably would of dealt with this by going out and punched some things at the kickboxing gym – but everything is closed. I haven’t been motivated to work out at home (yet). I feel like I am in a stress eating moment until I realize what is my fate with my company and whether I have a company to go back too.

I am really stressed and watching everything I worked for in the last few years just slip through my fingers. I am grateful I have been on such a massive financial journey – making the impact and blow of such a dramatic financial shift feel like it wont crumple me.

I feel lonely, scared and alone. I acutely realize that I  lack companionship and while I want to say this is the time to work on losing weight, and writing up a storm and eating healthy – I am so stressed about what is going to be left in my bank account and what I would do for a job post flying that it is really hard to think about working on other things. I have stocked up on food but not in the way I would normal meal prep and make things – so it feel like my cupboards have food but there is nothing to eat.

I feel like for my own sanity I need to step away from the internet and news. While I posted last week that I would be posting Fridays about my MLM experiment and my journey into making money online; just know – It is coming but I just need to pause while I figure out what it is that is going to happen with my bread and butter job and what the next couple of months might look like.

I will say DO expect a healthy living cleanse begin as soon as I am  more in the know about what the next couple of months looks like …. my experiment isn’t dead just holding on barely.

Stay safe, stay home, stay sanitized and eat your fruits and veggies. We are in it together and we will make it through.

All my luv,

C

 

PAUSE.

Since sometime before my trip to Iceland in early November I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with everything in my life. Not in a ‘I quit and want to run away’ kind of way but in a growing, learning, need to restructure kind of way. Now as we roll into the festive season I have come down with one of those gnarly head colds that takes over your life. The kind that makes socializing seem entirely impossible and makes you want to stand in a hot shower for hours on end. I am that kind of sick. It has been making me feel like I need to take a big step back from all the jobs, blogs, vlogs and such and just reevaluate where I want to put all my time.

I need a pause.

Yesterday I was reading some online bloggery about goals and time management and how we can only feasibly work on so many big projects a year. We need to pick the most important ones and  make a master plan of monthly goals, weekly goals and daily goals in order to achieve success for the year.  My problem is that I have too many project on the go and they all mean the world to me, I want to be perfect at all of them. See success in all of them – how is one supposed to really just pick 2 things. Right?!

2016 or 2017 goals, reflections – all that crazy jazz you “supposed” to think about this time of year… Being sick and the end of the year – it is just making me think I need a gawd damn break. I have been working full tilt since I move to Edmonton. 2 jobs, plus creative outlets, conventions and then stressing that I have no time for anything else. I think this time of year you just need to hit pause, see how far you have come, what you can do to make things better, what you need to weed out, who you might need to weed out and just focus on all the amazing accomplishments you make in your life. Pause isn’t a bad thing. Pause is just a time to reflect so moving forward can be more successful, more brilliant and more of exactly what you want.

I am saying that even through I am working straight through Christmas this year, I am sick as a dog and am at my full time job because I need to money to pay my rent and bills. I write this from my work office desk, on a full blown dayquil binge, and after 32oz of caffeine … thinking to myself, why have I extended myself so bad that I need to work when I am so sick. I am learning I need to be better at hitting pause and taking care of myself. I need to stop feeling guilty for not doing things and living up to unreasonable expectations I put on myself. I am writing this because I think there are a lot of people out there that forget to give themselves a break. Forget who they are in the blanket of hurry, and money and bills and life – when we all just need a moment to chill the fuck out, be thankful and be gawddamn grateful for everyone in our lives.

So this is me telling you this Holiday season –  to remember to take a moment to pause and reflect and realize that your are a bomb ass person who is achieving your goals. You are awesome. And even Awesome people need a break sometimes.