Someone had to stand up for me … it might as well of been me ….
The cat is outta the bag; the metal bars of fear have finally broken: the cheesy lines are a rollin’ and alas change is finally here!
“You’ve got to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.”
Friends, Family, Readers … I have finally done it. I have resigned from both my jobs. I have resigned from this life I have created in Edmonton. I have resigned from this insanity. I have finally admitted to myself that I am fucking tired. I have finally decided that I need to put myself, my health and my mental sanity first. And … stop doing things I think I should do and start doing things I want to do.
I jumped, arms swinging, heart chakra bursting open to something new. It is terrifying and super exciting. I have not figured out all the details, I have not sorted everything out, I have not even figured out anything accept on Sunday the 27th of August my journey begins.
For some time now I have been feeling stressed and depressed and over worked and under paid and dealing with a lot of bullshit and I hit my breaking point. I hit it like a semi truck on a squirrel running across the highway. It was gnarly. I have felt undervalued and a victim of an abusive work environment. I have taken it out on my kitchen, on my refrigerator and now on my waistline and I am just done. I need to take back what the last two years has stolen from me.
Everything I was trying to get together has fallen apart because I am so stressed. Working has been all I do, all I talk about and I have given everything with no payoff. My finances are a mess, I gained back all the weight I lost, I am struggling with vegan choices, I struggle with going to the gym. I have lost control of myself, my emotions and my prowess for awesomeness. I got lost. I forgot who I was because I got busy trying to be someone I am not.
Why am I sharing this … because I am gawd damn excited. And with that you should expect the return to travel adventure blogging and vlogging … lots of laughs and smiles and a whole lots less stress.
Have you even just stood up and said FUCK IT. I’m done?!
I have finally gone and done it. I booked my appointment for the full extraction of my last two wisdom teeth. On May 29th I will finally get to tick this big thing off my list of health issues I need to deal with before I can think about my next move. Actually it isn’t that big of a list but the things on the list are big-ish. It is sort of like a Health and Wellness list.
When I initially moved to Edmonton I had also been considering a return to Seoul, South Korea. I was in a bind and I needed steady, consistent income to pull myself out of a bit of a financial pickle. I gave myself 6 weeks to find work in Alberta and if that didn’t happen teaching was going to happen. South Korea has always been my back up plan. By the grace of the universe I found work in Edmonton and have been working tirelessly to get myself back on track. The thing is – I am back on track and now I am ticking the things of the Health and Wellness list.
Truth be told -I have had an irrational fear of getting my wisdom teeth out. I have no idea why I started living in fear but here we are in my late 30ies doing that fear thing that is so irrational. Sometimes I feel like I lacked the years in growing up and all the sudden I need to do all of this shit so fucking quickly. Maybe that just comes with being in your late 30ies. Sometimes I feel sad that I was so lost for so long; the wake up smack didn’t hit me till recently in a way I never saw coming. Now I am just questioning and judging and trying to figure myself out so I can figure out relationships and friendships. I digress.
There are a couple of other things on this list that I have started that aren’t complete. My lease is up in April of next year … so I have some investigating, planning and figuring out to do. But all of that is on the back burner while I actually just do some living, loving and some gawd damn self care.
My new questions in life are … how will this impact my financial well being and how will this affect my emotional and health well being? The answer is simple friends – getting my teeth out will likely stop my mouth from hurting, jaw pain, headaches and such, my over all oral hygiene will be better and now that I have dental coverage this should not impact my wallet too much – in fact doing it now will likely save me money later.
Are you on a journey of self improvement? What is on your “if I do this , then I get to do that” list?
Am I the only one that breaks promises to themselves?
I have noticed that I have developed a huge pattern of breaking promises to myself. It happens on the daily. I have no idea why – why don’t I honor myself to do the things I really, really want to do? I recently decided I wanted to be a better human. Not because I don’t love myself but because I want more from my life. I want to start achieving some of the goals I have wanted to achieve for years.
I am not sure why my priorities for myself always come last. It’s disheartening. My crippling anxiety often stands in the way of being a social human being, of having adventures, sometimes my anxiety takes over and I get lazy and I forget to be my fun self and I am my scared self. Just plain scared. I want this promise breaking to end.
A couple of day ago I promised myself I would do 17 things in 2017 . In an attempt to not break promises to myself. I did one of the 17 items on the list. A easy actionable item. I dyed my hair.
1 down 16 to go -Woot, Woot!
Do you guys have problems with this? How do you remember to always put yourself first?