COOL PEOPLE I KNOW: Rosanna, Rosie, Ro

Awhile back I had a phone conversation with my long-time best friend Rosanna. She had called to tell me that the course that she had purchased online for Yoga teacher training had actually turned out to be a bit of a sham. The issue was that in the end the teacher (her friend) had duped them all and that at the end of the course after paying thousands of dollars – she would not be getting her certification. As we were chatting on the phone I kind of had this brilliant idea that I should make my baby podcast into a series of interviews. I had actually wanted to talk about the scandal that happened, but it turns out what I really want to talk about is the cool people I know and why I find them interesting.

Rosanna has wanted to be a yoga instructor for the better part of a decade, and I have thought she would be amazing at it for about that long. We sat down and started this free flow conversation with the idea that I wanted to talk about yoga but what I actually think is most interesting is our perception of todays society and the journey we have both taken to get to be the badass women we are today.

Sooooooo here is the podcast in all its glory:

https://castbox.fm/app/castbox/player/id1412402/id133234443?v=4.1.0&autoplay=0

Some random footnotes and thoughts to go along with this podcast:

I actually don’t know who she is talking about me dating from Sears. But I thought she was talking about my old friend Ali who I backpacked around Canada with, then I thought she was talking about this other guy I saw on occasion – but turns out I actually have no clue who she is remembering.

Our other old friend she is talking about – we almost drove off the Memorial Street overpass on one of our many drunken adventures to the BackAlley. He still lives to this day and if you are reading this – Hey Buddy, How are you?

I grew up in a family where I was surrounded by small business. My Dad had plenty of random small businesses. I think I was always attracted to the idea of running my own thing way back when I was young. I actually remember at one point telling a career counsellor in Halifax my business plan for my own business and she literally just looked at me and said she thought I was in the wrong space. I think I literally wanted her to help me build my business and she was there to tell people what trade schools they could get into and what programs were offered for their free training after being on pogy. I think one of the issues that I have had long term is that I have had zero confidence in creating my own business. That lack of self confidence has permeated my entire life not just a business life. I mean at this point I am not even sure what exactly I would sell – I just like the idea of not being responsible to anyone else but myself.

I think that really you need to find your power and you really need to understand not following the grain of life – and not letting fear stand in your way, putting yourself out there in a public platform is really hard. Like seriously have you ever read the comment section on any given Instagram post or YouTube video? Like these people have balls of steel putting their work out there for the savage keyboard warriors to pounce. I mean the truth is that getting your dream is a whole lot of hard work. Over night success is a myth and you really need to stay focused on your own path and not get derailed by all the dream zappers that are out there. They are busy being to scared to put themselves out there so they are trying to shatter your dreams because they are to scared to work on their own. Building your business or any online platform (blog, podcast) is all about hustling. Hustle, hustle, hustle. You need to use the platform of people you know and grind it out for years before the success starts to happen.

I mean all this stuff leads back to intention or goal setting (whatever verbiage you like). And not giving a rats ass what other people think. Information is at our finger tips. You want to learn a new skill – all the information you need is online. You want to get education in something new – start reading, watching and listening. Connect with the people. It sounds so easy right?!  I feel like there is a popular quote out there about some law of 10 000 hours. Anybody can learn anything as long as they put in the time. People are their own brand and really we just need to learn how to brand ourselves.
Authenticity is what attracts people and what brings them back for more. You are amazing just as you are, and people will like or dislike you for exactly who you are so embrace that and move forward with your dreams. My dreams are so different from your dreams but, in the end, I think we all have our eyes on the prize of feeling some sort of success in our lives. We want to create something good (whatever that looks like for us). We want to live within a more intentional space and take steps to be in a place of growth.

Anyway, our conversation vibration got derailed a bit in the end, so we wrapped it up.

As always – thanks for listening, reading and supporting my creative endeavors.

More to come,
XOXO,
C

The bag of burritos I needed.

Truth: Even though I had a fairly great job situation in Calgary post SAIT I quit my job and moved to Montreal. I transferred with Starbucks to get me started and took my boho looking, dreadlock sporting self to the city of liberty and freedom and decided it was about time I make a life for myself.  My friend told me there were lots of jobs, and even though I hadn’t actually found anything online and had no response I packed my stuff, shipped my entire life and decided to make a go of it.

Truth: Montreal was the hardest 6 months of my life.

Truth: I struggled with my pay dropping to a quarter of what I was making in Calgary.  I struggled with transferring into a store that instantly and blatantly hated me because I had dreadlocks among other stupid reasons (sidenote: I later actually made some amazing friends and connections at that Starbucks – Monkland represent!). I was already feeling self conscious and that just wreaked havoc on my emotions and my state of mind. I struggled with sleeping on the hardwood floor for 6 months. My self worth was trapped in material possessions.  When I finally made the decision to leave Montreal my options were limited. I didn’t have any money. I was so fucked. My spirit and soul were crushed. Needless to say moving in with my sister and her family for a couple months changed my life. It propelled me to get where I needed to be.

Edmonton has been a lot of growing and progress; baby steps to a brighter future. However, because I moved here under those dire circumstances. Edmonton has always felt like a failure. That my life is a fail. I failed at Montreal. And that, right there, my friends is a lesson I just learned after almost 2 years in Edmonton.

I have felt like a failure in Edmonton because of the hiccup of time I spent in Montreal that crushed my soul.

It is funny how that works.

So while this might sound like a pity party. It is actually a blessing and a break through in my development as a human. I am so focused on why this (Edmonton) was a fail I have failed myself in seeing my success. I feel so profound in my discovery. Like someone has ripped off some blinders.

So how did I get here ?…. Mark Manson.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.

Saturday. I read the entire book. It is fresh in my head so I am trying to implement as many of the lessons as I possible can. But the overarching theme is taking a look  at yourself and your self worth and basically working on yourself to become better for you and then others. I am not going to lie it sucks to realize that you are the root cause of all your problems. It sucks to realize that you are causing your own unhappiness from preconceived notions of yourself. But it makes me smile when I think about all the foolish pressure I have put on myself in the last couple of years because I have limiting beliefs about myself. My mind is fucking blown Friends. All the sudden I am peeling back the layers of destructive self hatred and attempting to lift some pressure from myself and work on my own happiness instead of placing that in other people’s hands and other peoples acceptance of me.

Truth: Sometimes I compare Carol today to Carol back then (not Montreal just happier times) to try and learn from the times in my life when I thought I was my happiest. The thing is. Those were times where I literally and wholeheartedly didn’t give a fuck about what anyone else thought. I never listened I just got on the plane and went. I went to Japan. I went to Korea. I went to China. I went to Chile. I went everywhere. I met amazing people. I didn’t give a flying fuck. I have realized recently I don’t actually want to live like that anymore. I like the stability of not having to figure out where I am going to move every year. I like knowing that my job still exist tomorrow. I don’t need visas and immigration and worrying about whether I can afford a visa run. I don’t have to save for my next flight – unless I truly want to. I think all that time I was searching for security and the only one that can provide that is me.

So today I commit to trying my best to stop that self deprecating behavior. Stop comparing myself to other people doing different things at different phases of their lives. And to just breathe. Because honestly I couldn’t of lived my 20ies any cooler than I did. I didn’t get where I am today but not chancing all those things …testing myself.  Learning that I can build a life where ever I go. Learning that people are selfish assholes and that most advice comes for their own personal experiences, drives, desires and failures. I commit to opening myself up to the possibilities of a wonderful life right here in this city – a place that has been so incredibly good for me, my bank account and my financial well being. I also commit to trying to stop interjecting my suggestions when people what to talk to me. My opinion doesn’t matter much.

So if your are reading this thinking – good gawd – know this – I feel like I am bursting with positivity because I unlocked a secret about my life or I finally figured something out. It is going to be a journey to a brighter Carol. It isn’t my first time pulling myself out of a mess. And I have the power to change everything. It’s a choice.

So Friends – are you trapped in a circle of negative behavior and thoughts? Are you trapped on the hamster wheel of self deprecating behavior and don’t know how to jump off? The sad reality is … it is a choice. Bad things may have happened to you but in the end you chose how you feel about it, how you internalize it or if and when it’s time to let go. You chose to stay. You chose to go. Everything is a choice. So you need to chose to not let past experience affect your current life. And it is hard as fuck. But I am sure as fuck it is going to be worth it.

And with that – all my Love and Self help magic vibes!

Stay dirty,

C

 

What’s in a Carol?

Have you ever put your name into a search engine – just to see what kind of person you are? Or better what kind of person people perceive you to be? What comes up when people are looking at you before that job interview? What sort of social media online presence does the world see when they look you up? Are you a different person online than in real life?  The preconceived notion of you; are you who you claim to be?

I know. Things to think about.

Are you are throwing your name in Google right now.  Go on! Take a minute – see what comes up! I have been doing some research about Carol, as a thing, as a person, as people in history, as famous types – who are the Carol’s of this world?  If you look at me online what sort of information are you taking in and holding onto? Who are the other Carol’s? What are they up too?

This all started because I decided I wanted a cohesive, complete blog – and as I was searching for ideas  I found some old blogs I had written: Rantin’ C and NOTNOFUN in particular – they were like reading old journals – a window into the past of who I was and what I dreamed I would be.

Anyway, over the last few years I have absolutely searched myself, more than once. There are a few times where random things have come up …  like that one time in Vietnam in the hostel when I signed into Facebook and something weird happened. That hacked moment comes up, when I search hard enough I find some online journals and other random blogs – it wasn’t until recently that I made the connection that that sort of Google search may have cost me some jobs – which lead me to recently, finally, deleting those old ramblings. I mean what if someone read that online, reads what was happening in the life of Carol 10 years ago? That certainly is not relevant today. But you can’t expect people to know the difference. Social media is a perception, carefully crafted by the user to appear sometimes like something we are not. I don’t deny the person I was because that got me here – but that person is a shell of the person I am today.

Lifestyle design, personal branding, online content creation, leader in the minimalist to tiny life world. These are the things I am creating on this blog, the topics that I am interested in manifesting and creating as I create a new life for myself.

When I was younger I really never thought much about the person I wanted to become, the person I claimed as myself and the person that is me. I just went about my life. I floated from place to place, city to city – confused and unsure. I felt like I was always searching for the place that I would fit in. The place that would finally feel like home. That place that would let me be and create and do and be awesome. It took forever for me to realize that in all my journey’s and all my soul searching – that a lot of the best parts – I need to ABSOLUTELY create these things, create my life. I some how forgot to create the life I wanted I just thought one day it would happen.

This space, it is about my journey – my journey, in my late 30ies, where I finally figure out how to create the life I want. To finally push out all the naysayers and party poopers and create this thing that brings me so much joy. To share all this knowledge that I have picked up along the way to figure out the things that are me.

So what is it that I want you to know about me right now before we take this journey together?

I am a  blogger, talker, storyteller, writer. I am a minimalist, alternative housing enthusiast. I work hard a multiple jobs while I am trying to create my empire, and by empire I mean – I am trying to find the best way possible to highlight the beauty of smaller living to have a bigger life.

So come along on this journey with me to finally taking all that knowledge from travel and formal education and informal education, from living in a government run commune to being homeless in China and sleeping on my friends window ledge to staying with family and constantly living out of a backpack – to the final stages of what will soon be building a tiny home and sailing away into life bliss.

Whose with me on this journey?