Hey all you Cool Cats and Kittens – another Carol B here just checking in to see how you are all holding up?!
It Is Friday the 10th – my last blog series check in was 5 days ago. I literally have no idea where the time went.
So much has happened this week and then also nothing at all.
This week has been a gauntlet of emotions and sometimes when that happens it really is hard to put things into words. There are moments when it feels like there isn’t really much to say – and then days where I can’t stop the chatter.
Here is the thing – I work for a fairly large well known company and I am technically on a leave. Now instead of learning my fate from my company I am learning my fate while watching the news or learning from other people sending my articles. So while we are all going through similar things – my work thing is very public and lots of people not related to my company are talking about it. Today it just seems like it is a lot to take in.
I feel like I am mentally preparing for a plan B – I can’t decide what that plan b should be. Do I go to journalism school? Do I get certified to teach in Canada? Do I plan to go and teach abroad? Do I even want to do that? Hard to plan when you don’t know what the fate of the world is going to be.
Anyway here is 20 things week I have done this week:
Successfully avoided publishing anything I wrote because I couldn’t get my thoughts sorted and organized.
Cracked off the remaining 7 gel nails – my hands are looking fucking stellar.
Purchased 4 containers of super colorful hair dye – still looking for gloves so I can dye my hair without dying my hands.
I just turned the heel on the sock I am knitting – pretty soon I will have a pair.
Looked on the Government website at my tax forms. Did nothing with said forms.
Drank coffee in a parking lot with my friend at a socially distant appropriate distance.
Logged into my Arbonne site and then did nothing with it. Thought about doing things but then did nothing.
Got really into Ozark – because what a crazy fucking ride that shit is.
Cleaned my room, put on candles, made a mess, burned out candles
Read books, meditated and did that again.
Wondered when I was going to start feeling the way other people are feeling all overwhelmed and shit.
Tried on every one of my toques.
Drove up to Nose Hill more than once to have coffee in my car.
Drank a lot of fizz (Honestly if no one has given you any of these to try – please let me know they are so damn good – they are going to replace my Diet Coke addiction)
Made an appointment to get the drivers side door handle fix on my car, and the running light that burnt out months ago
…. really assessing my life – I have had time to look in and dig deep and consider so many things. Who really knows where this journey is taking me but I have all the time in the world to figure it out.
That is what I have been up to the last few days #grounded. My emotions are raw. My mood is good and bad and good and bad and mostly I feel very hollowingly lonely and single. And that is just where I am at.
Well it is probably going to be a hot minute before I see another sunset in Puerto Vallarta and not because it is almost the end of my Mexico flying season but because starting today – April 1st, 2020 – I am officially on a “leave of absence” (aka voluntarily laid off)from my work. I am sure in 2 months time it will become an extended involuntary layoff. *sad face
I am already missing my East Coast summer layovers and they haven’t started.
From what I can understand about the state of the world and the state of aviation right now – it is probably going to be a long time before I fly. It is a range of emotions that I feel – sadness but also relief … to not be flying when the safety precautions are not in place to maintain my health. It is safer for me to be at home while we ride out this COVID19 situation. I have thought about all the things that I might take the opportunity to do with all my spare time – but it is still to early for me to focus on that while I am kind of grieving the state of the world.
Kicking off DAY ONE I am starting with my normal kind of normal morning/day routine where I get up and make some coffee – have a quick snack and then go back to my bed to either read or write. Sometimes both.
At around 11:30 I start to feel like I should get up, get dressed and make myself presentable for the day. Then friends – it is anyone’s guess as to what will happen. I cook most things from scratch because it is the food I have – then I bring my computer from room to room – watching YouTube about online teaching or ESL teaching in general. I research Dubai as a backup plan for the fall. I think about whether my skills have lapsed to much to start drafting again. I then think about what I want my life to look like.
I take some time in there is be extremely grateful for all the hard work I put in to make my financial situation as great as it is right now.
I often write a huge blurb about the things I want to do that I lack motivation in doing then I make some tea …. I have been drinking an excessive amount of tea. I spend a lot of time on Pinterest – planning out my next hair color as soon as I have some help doing it – be that a salon open or a talented friend. I daydream a lot about being able to write full time (even though I never publish anything after I write it) – I think about making YouTube videos. And then it is around 8PM – I retire to my room to watch something on Netflix while I chat with my friends and then around 130AM it is time for bed again.