How to Rule Your World? #grounded: 3 months later …

It’s been 3 months since I stopped working.

I have just been home, in Calgary, wondering what is next.

Today I got a company wide email that was a list of all the employees (flight attendants to be specific) and the number in which they will get called back to work. I am on the bottom rung. I will be the last of the Flight Attendants to get recalled. I have realized that will likely be 12-18 months away from now if – and only if – a miracle happens and we start flying at a regular full schedule sometime soon. In order for that to happen basically I will need Ms Corona to have disappeared or a vaccine to be introduced.

I don’t really fancy being on unemployment for an extended period of time. So now comes the hard part – figuring out what exactly I am going to do with my time. Inevitably – I am going to need to find a job.

I have no idea what that looks like.

Currently there is no wavering in my income – if I spend to much I just have less. There is no variation. There is no making more. There is no overtime.

I am the captain of my life and sometimes it is hard for me to really decide what direction I want to go in or what I actually want. It feels like I am here just existing in time.

Waiting for something.

Waiting but also …

Slightly lost. Slightly bored and slightly uncertain.

It is like I am experiencing burn out from doing nothing. Motivation is low – going out is sketchy and I am once again faced with the decision of what the heck I want to do.

While I have been off I have haphazardly started a whole bunch of projects. None of them I have completed. I have lost my focus and stopped caring about myself. I have become an all day snacker and I just can’t be asked to even try anymore.

Depressing really.

So I decided I need to step up to bat and rule my world & this is how it is done:

  1. Most important: Stop being a scaredy pants – push past fear!
  2. Realize that unless I make things happen for myself they are likely not going to happen.
  3. Stop listening to other peoples advice
  4. Just start. Get up and do something.
  5. Get off the unproductive internet YouTube binge watching (or insert phone scrolling, Netflix binge watching or whatever unproductive behaviour)
  6. Pick one of the many projects and work on that till it is done, then start the next project.
  7. Clean out your work space – create a workspace – find a work coffee shop. Just do something that says “hey this is my creative working space”.
  8. Don’t stop. Keep working on your dream.

It is very true that you often regret the adventurous things that you never end up doing.

So what are you waiting for?

Who knows what the next couple of months have in store for me – but stay tuned as I adventure through the rest of 2020.

Listing Out my Creative Projects to Give You Inspiration to Work on The Things You Always Dreamed Possible … #inthistogether

It has been almost 6 weeks since my last flight….

6 WEEKS!!!

It actually feels kind of strange to be on the ground this long. When all this chaos first start I volunteered for a leave of absence. That 2 month period is quickly coming to an end. On May 8th, 2020 I got officially furloughed starting June 1st – not that I was not expecting this, I was. I knew it was going to happen but seeing it there in the email – “my services are not longer needed” due to this crazy Pandemic was a feeling I wasn’t prepared for.  I have come to the realization that very likely I wont be flying for the remainder of this year.

For me – the only way to deal with all of this stuff is to just stay kind of busy.  There are many lessons I have learned in this life and one of them is that sitting around doing nothing on unemployment is literally THE WORST THING I can do for my mental health. The problem I have been having is discipline and focus. Literally if you saw my journal, planning book, day book, bullet journal and online course note taking book – you would know that I think up more ideas than I can even handle. But executing those ideas is a whole different thing.

I know – Everything is insane right now. But I also can’t help but feel like this is a gift from the universe. A gift of time to work on anything I ever thought would be a fun creative job – while I am getting paid and have endless time. I therefore can only see this as almost wasted time if I don’t pursue these passions.

Here is a little catch up of how I am keeping myself busy while being grounded from flying but also a list of ideas of things that you could do to keep yourself busy:

  • I started making a vegan cookbook. This is a project I have been wanting to do for YEARS. I was really excited from the get go but writing out recipes is kind of boring and I definitely waiver in what kind of things I want to include. I also sometimes feel I need to test the recipe – which means a lot of the same foods for me to eat and a WHOLE lot of cooking.  I really need to invest in the equipment for the next stages of the creative process and that equals daunting. I often get lost in the idea of how I would present the book. Then I decided to needed to start posting Meatless Monday recipes to garner interest and then the entire project just got really overwhelming. When things feel overwhelming I have a tendency to quit.
  • I started an outline draft for a book I want to write and for the first time this idea seems like the winner or more so it seems like I finally figured out a way to organize my thoughts. I will continue to map that out as social isolation drags on – and soon will start my chapter breakdowns. This is going to be a long process but something that will be so validating.
  • I have committed to a few knitting projects for some friends – they are in the works but not completed. I do that while I am watching Netflix as part of my evening routine. Knitting socks is complex.
  • I have started brainstorming ideas for YouTube because for the last 5 years I have been telling people I want to do this (imagine where I would be had I just started) – I have actually tried to create videos but I rarely get the gumption to post the video for anyone to see – which I need to do if I want to get some viewers. I think it is a really cool creative platform that I want to explore more. Plus filming is fun.
  • I started the MLM experiment where I thought I would join Arbonne and actually try and make money that way – but that is just sitting there and I have a series of blog posts half started that I never finished. The thing is now I just mostly order products for myself because I quite like them and then I don’t even mention it to anyone.
  • I started a blog series called #grounded (this series that you are reading) that I have essentially not written a post in a month because I thought my days weren’t interesting enough – because lets face it – what are we all really doing at home. Pressuring myself to write posts about doing nothing all day got slightly daunting.
  • I have bought many, many random things online that I don’t actually need. And now I am wondering if I will need to return most of them.
  • I spent a lot of time in my car with a backpack, my laptop, a handful of journals and a couple of books thinking I am going to pull off some sort of creative miracle in terms of creating content but I never actually do anything but drink coffee and stare into the park  – kind of planning but not doing.
  • I have reorganized my space to try and un-stifle my creative energy. It has kind of worked.
  • I start working on a vlogging – travel videography course – still plugging away at it – one lesson every few days. It is actually why I want to start filming YouTube Videos because I can – inspiration for travel video isn’t really my top priority during social isolation times.
  • I have been to a couple webinars on artists at the Glenbow Museum which quiet frankly is really cool and I can’t wait till the gallery can open up so I can by a membership.

 

Well that is it – that is what has been keeping me busy. I feel like while I am sad that I am not flying I am really trying to use this time to work on things I always wanted to work on but never, ever, ever made time. I think it is pretty cool to have this time to really explore my creative energy. It is really exciting.

What kind of creative projects are you working on while cooped up at home?

I am absolutely looking to build my creative community so if you are doing any of the above ideas please message me so we can create together.

 

 

#grounded: a blog series [Day 3 &4 …]

Welcome to my new series about what I am doing now that I am grounded.
I am  1) grounded from flying,  2) feeling like I am a teenager grounded at home and not allowed to go out,  3) trying to figure out how to be spiritually and emotionally grounded.
Tune in for frequent posts about how I am dealing with it all:  #grounded: a blog series

 

I said to my roommate in recent days that we are in the endless space time continuum of nothing and I really, really meant it.

Certainly we all know it is a strange, strange time.  The unknown is crazy and very uncomfortable – the world as we know it is dramatically changing and we have no way of knowing how. What will our world look like in 3 months time, in 3 years time? …. Will we go back to things as they are? Will entire Countries collapse? Who knows?

Unsettling, right?!

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Me; thinking about stuff before writing stuff. Wondering about how my future is going to look. April 2020.

The days are trucking on and on; this cold weather here in Calgary definitely has me feeling unmotivated and blue. I go through phases of productivity and fear. I go through the gauntlet of thoughts – like I guess it is time to figure out my life. Will I find a partner? Will I find a house? Will I travel forever? Is our world reverting to olden days and we will need to start canning and pickling and gardening to survive? Will we be the same? What do we need to prepare for? It feels a little bit like if you just told me – I would just get ready and make it happen. But no one can do that – no one has the answers.

 

Is it actually making me regret things that I didn’t ever do even though I wanted to, Things like:

Why did I never take journalism?

Why did I never move to Dubai to teach?

Why haven’t I traveled India yet?

Why did I let my life be chaos for so long? Why am I so boring now? Why am I eating bags of Doritos when no one is home but eating health drinks when people see me? When did binge eating become my norm? When did I become such an emotional eater? Can I fix this?

I guess it is just to much time to think? And Lordy knows – I am a thinker. Today I took the time to turn off the laptop and watching Netflix and Youtube and started with some podcasts (change it up, right?). It led me a a journey of micro dosing psychedelics and wondering if micro dosing on mushrooms would be a good idea during this time. Then I wondered if I had any connections to do this? Then realized how much my life has changed.

I started to dive into Arbonne’s 30 days to Healthy Living. I am not entire sure my gut can handle the sheer amount of detoxing – but it had me questioning my eating beliefs. Why am I so against eating eggs but I can wolf down some (enter some strange, really bad vegan junk food here)? When did my eating get so disordered?

I pulled out some jewelry bins and realized that I have lost my identity over the years. I stopped expressing myself with clothing and scarves and jewelry. Where did my creative identity go? – I assume it left when I moved back to Alberta and systematically gained weight working so hard to get myself out of debt.

As you can see – I am all over the map – day 3 & 4 have been me really evaluating my life. like really diving in – asking millions of questions with very few answers. It is crazy how the mind works in a time of limited stimulus.  In the end, I continue to ask myself the same questions I have asked for years but then got to distracted to answer. What do I actually want? What is the vision?

Today’s plans  – there is no list. There is no expectation. There is just me – spending time writing, reflecting and trying to figure it out. Times are changing hugely. I am just trying to keep up.

What phase of isolation/quarantine are you in today? Productive? Questioning? Pensive?

#grounded: Day 2

Last night I drank.

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If you have never had this – next time you are allowed to venture out you need to pick this up in Halifax. It puts Bailey’s to shame. 

I wouldn’t say excessively but a few glasses of  red wine and then a couple rum cream/espresso vodkas …. I definitely had an Advil, and other vitamins to try and curb a hangover before bed. Because let’s face it – I don’t actually drink very often and that kind of alcohol combining is not good.

Yesterday I spent all sorts of time trying to get a morning routine sorted. Starting with an 8AM wake up time. I went old school and put together my April wall calendar of all my isolation activities on a map for success. I even went so far as to highlight and color code – then made a lose day routine of what I want my days to look like – I felt so accomplished.

This morning – that routine got washed aside for sleeping. Somethings happened but not as early as I wanted to start. What did happen was my morning coffee, and morning smoothie. Also – my writing routine – so while I am late to start at this today I am still doing the things I set out to do. Progress, Friends – not perfection!

Things I want to accomplish today:

  1. Make the most perfect carby hungover masterpiece of roasted red pepper pasta (yes, I figured out some things to do with red peppers yesterday and I even roasted 4 peppers for use today)
  2. Attend a zoom meeting
  3. Spend some time prepping for my 30 Day to Healthy Living Program
  4. Master the Phone App Application for VIP Kid – find some props for a demo lesson
  5. Walmart Mission for box dye for my hair and other supplies

What are you doing to keep busy today?

Keeping it sane.

In solidarity –

C

#grounded: Day 1

Well it is probably going to be a hot minute before I see another sunset in Puerto Vallarta and not because it is almost the end of my Mexico flying season but because starting today  – April 1st, 2020 – I am officially on a “leave of absence” (aka voluntarily laid off) from my work. I am sure in 2 months time it will become an extended involuntary layoff.  *sad face

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I took this photo of the sunset on the last PVR I got called out for in early March 2020 – right at the beginning of the pandemic arriving in Canada.

I am already missing my East Coast summer layovers and they haven’t started.

From what I can understand about the state of the world and the state of aviation right now – it is probably going to be a long time before I fly. It is a range of emotions that I feel – sadness but also relief  … to not be flying when the safety precautions are not in place to maintain my health. It is safer for me to be at home while we ride out this COVID19 situation. I have thought about all the things that I might take the opportunity to do with all my spare time – but it is still to early for me to focus on that while I am kind of grieving the state of the world.

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I stole this image off a post on Facebook because it sums up my feelings about my work life.  No idea who the creator is but I love it.

Kicking off DAY ONE I am starting with my normal kind of normal morning/day routine where I get up and make some coffee – have a quick snack and then go back to my bed to either read or write. Sometimes both.

At around 11:30 I start to feel like I should get up, get dressed and make myself presentable for the day. Then friends – it is anyone’s guess as to what will happen. I cook most things from scratch because it is the food I have – then I bring my computer from room to room – watching YouTube about online teaching or ESL teaching in general. I research Dubai as a backup plan for the fall. I think about whether my skills have lapsed to much to start drafting again. I then think about what I want my life to look like.

I take some time in there is be extremely grateful for all the hard work I put in to make my financial situation as great as it is right now.

I often write a huge blurb about the things I want to do that I lack motivation in doing then I make some tea …. I have been drinking an excessive amount of tea. I spend a lot of time on Pinterest – planning out my next hair color as soon as I have some help doing it – be that a salon open or a talented friend. I daydream a lot about being able to write full time (even though I never publish anything after I write it) – I think about making YouTube videos. And then it is around 8PM – I retire to my room to watch something on Netflix while I chat with my friends and then around 130AM it is time for bed again.

Today’s goals:

  1. Bake some vegan double chocolate muffins
  2. Figure out how to use up 7 red peppers (because for some reason buying a bag of 8 peppers for $4.50 seemed wise the other day at the grocery store)
  3. Pull out the big wall calendar and plan out #isolationApril
  4. Get some exercise – Hit @home, Beachbody OR out for a walk
  5. Start writing Friday’s blog post in my MLM series (I didn’t forget – just the world feel apart)

I think those are attainable goals for the day …  #letsdothis

What are you guys up to in isolation today?  Do you make small daily goals to keep yourself busy?