SO This Is Now

okay … here is the T:

It is almost 11 am as I start to write this, I got woken up this morning by crew scheduling asking me about wanting to work a one day out of a city I no longer live in and then it took forever for me to fall back asleep. I finally did – and had a natural progression of a wake up some time around 830am.

I go down and make myself a coffee – but I spend a lot of mornings alone in hotel rooms drinking coffee in bed flipping through social media and now that is exactly how I want to drink my coffee every day … in silence – but you all know how fucking anti social that is … so I chat for a while only to be eventually head back to my room to start working on some creative stuff.

Things accomplished this AM – making new channel art for my youtube channel that I literally never post on, but doing it anyway – realizing that I just need to write this out and hit publish – doing that … but also plotting my daily domination of meal prep, packing, laundry, grocery shopping, birthday party, computer repair shop and all the other things …. just 2 days of getting it done and trying not to be crazy in the process. My back hurts so bad I can hardly move and honestly my massage yesterday wrecked me something fierce …  I am totally sure being hunched over in my bed while I type this drinking coffee is not going to help either. I woke up this morning feeling like I need to flex my creative muscles so here I am doing that.

I NEED A CREATIVE OUTLET.

I have realized very recently that I thrive in an environment that lets me have a creative outlet and the truth is that no one is going to allow me to focus on that but me. I need to find the time in my not so busy, busy schedule to get it done. Because we make time for the stuff we want to make time for and for a long time I just didn’t make time … but friends … it is time.

I literally signed back into my old blog, reopened my youtube and started looking at ideas for podcasting because why not?

So here I am, end of 2018 and start of year 39 and I am just going to say I have no idea what this is going to look like, I have no idea what I will be focusing on but I do know that I think one of my biggest goals and challenges for 2019 will be to finally get myself into a regular schedule of posting creative content. I guess that means actually sitting down and making a plan – like some sort of goal setting kind of stuff. So you can probably expect something about goal setting for 2019 to come out soon. This post was mostly me just wanting to pop in and say “Hi, I’m here … lets do this!”

So take your day and kill it with productivity and fun – see you on the other side –

xoxo,

C

 

words. branding. online badassery.

The fabulous world of the big bad web is all about buying into someone else’s product. If they have something you think you need and they have caught your eye, they have sold themselves and their product.

When you see what they are selling and think: “fuck yeah, that is going to work for me?”  You see their charisma, their charm, their everything and want to be it. Then you wonder how they created all sorts of online badassery? You are hooked, line and sinker. If you are anything like me, you wonder how they crafted such genius.

I have fallen into this trap SO MANY TIMES! Buying into someones product only to have it not work for me, most of the time failing. The thing is – these things don’t work for me for a million and one reasons but the biggest one is that person, that thing, that is their brand. While I am awesome in so many ways I am not their brand and I need to figure out my own persona, my own brand and my own me. Without a confident force of self to be reckoned with I think there will be no mass following. You need to deliver your awesomeness and not try to deliver someone else success filtered through you.

  1. I honestly think I just realized that I have been trying to find success through other peoples personas. In my works, in my relationships, in my friends, in my blogging and in my drafting. I need to rip off the fear band-aid and be unapologetically me. The only way it can ever work. The raw, blunt, funny, adventurous spirit that I am. The one that likes thrift-ed band tees and Birkenstocks. That person needs to learn how awesome she is and stop trying to figure things out based on what worked for other people.

You know lots of people boast on their YouTube or blog all about all the things they are amazing at – I struggle with that … I don’t want to feel like I am boasting so I don’t tell people I worked on 4 Continents.  That is not a lie, that is the truth. I often downplay and say I volunteered in Chile instead of saying I worked with the United Nations in South America. I see all these people shout all the amazing things they have done and it made me realize that it is all in the language, the approach and not apologizing for opening up doors for yourself. It is all how you present the material. You create that image with your words.

 WORDS ARE MAGIC!

How often do you confidently write about you and say to the world FUCK YEAH – I’m awesome?!

Yesterday night I popped by my parents and in a conversation with my Dad he said something he always says to me … that I have the same disease that he has wanting to explore. The difference between me and my father is this: I think calling yourself a disease is unhealthy, it doesn’t bring your confidence up – in fact it shows how little you value one of your biggest assets! Your sense of adventure, your need to be busy and your need to accomplish things and to learn. It is not a disease to want to learn, explore and adventure. It is doing yourself some disease by not pursuing a passion and by letting yourself be told what you need to do to have a life you don’t  want.

It is really, really hard to disassociate with comments people make. For the last decade I have dealt with all sorts of people telling me how I should go about living my life. And that I need this career and this desk job life and this security and the thing is … it’s boring as fuck. I am tired as hell of working 60 hours a week, I am tired as fuck serving coffee and working with immature entitled bitches. I am tired of this life I created for myself that isn’t really getting my anywhere. Holidays damn near financially break me. I am tired all the time. Life isn’t that fun and I am a goddamn hermit. What the fuck even is that?

All I have wanted to do for years is have my own thing, my own business, my own income and by golly I am going to fucking make it happen …. With all my potty mouthed eloquence.

So it is all how you market yourself, isn’t it?Are you marketing yourself a tired, washed up, low energy zombie and are you ready to face the big bad world on your own?

What words are you?

My Favorite Murder

People are fucked up.

I have noticed recently a whole lot of podcasts, youtube channels and creative content that surrounds murder. Maybe because I am just into podcasts – a lot – lately or maybe because  – there are lots and lots and lots of cases and stories of murder in America (Canada & USA and I’m sure lots of other places in the world).  I am actually blown away by the amount of cases of murder in the USA. How does it even happen? I am also sickly interested in the darker side of America.  I guess we are all a little bit like that – just innately curiosity about people that have the inner violence and the capability to commit such crimes.

With the crazy interest in reality TV it is no surprise that murder podcasts and radio in general are such a hit. It is in fact reality.

Anyway – if you are a podcast listener, a murder fan and an rubber neck about gruesome events you should totally listen to my favorites podcast for this week:

My Favorite Murder.

Seriously Friends, Karen and Georgia = hilarious. Basically the two come together for a length podcast where they two bring their favorite story of the week. Generally they are themed to some capacity.  But they discuss crimes that have happened in the USA and Canada. They go through the event, and do a tell all of the particular murder. There shock and horror for each event ceases to be anything less than hilarious. They truly bring a laughter to your eardrums. I am totally hooked and a hardcore murderino.

Let me know if you are listening so we can talk about it.

And in the wise words of Karen & Georgia – Stay Sexy and don’t get murdered,

xoxo,

C