How to Rule Your World? #grounded: 3 months later …

It’s been 3 months since I stopped working.

I have just been home, in Calgary, wondering what is next.

Today I got a company wide email that was a list of all the employees (flight attendants to be specific) and the number in which they will get called back to work. I am on the bottom rung. I will be the last of the Flight Attendants to get recalled. I have realized that will likely be 12-18 months away from now if – and only if – a miracle happens and we start flying at a regular full schedule sometime soon. In order for that to happen basically I will need Ms Corona to have disappeared or a vaccine to be introduced.

I don’t really fancy being on unemployment for an extended period of time. So now comes the hard part – figuring out what exactly I am going to do with my time. Inevitably – I am going to need to find a job.

I have no idea what that looks like.

Currently there is no wavering in my income – if I spend to much I just have less. There is no variation. There is no making more. There is no overtime.

I am the captain of my life and sometimes it is hard for me to really decide what direction I want to go in or what I actually want. It feels like I am here just existing in time.

Waiting for something.

Waiting but also …

Slightly lost. Slightly bored and slightly uncertain.

It is like I am experiencing burn out from doing nothing. Motivation is low – going out is sketchy and I am once again faced with the decision of what the heck I want to do.

While I have been off I have haphazardly started a whole bunch of projects. None of them I have completed. I have lost my focus and stopped caring about myself. I have become an all day snacker and I just can’t be asked to even try anymore.

Depressing really.

So I decided I need to step up to bat and rule my world & this is how it is done:

  1. Most important: Stop being a scaredy pants – push past fear!
  2. Realize that unless I make things happen for myself they are likely not going to happen.
  3. Stop listening to other peoples advice
  4. Just start. Get up and do something.
  5. Get off the unproductive internet YouTube binge watching (or insert phone scrolling, Netflix binge watching or whatever unproductive behaviour)
  6. Pick one of the many projects and work on that till it is done, then start the next project.
  7. Clean out your work space – create a workspace – find a work coffee shop. Just do something that says “hey this is my creative working space”.
  8. Don’t stop. Keep working on your dream.

It is very true that you often regret the adventurous things that you never end up doing.

So what are you waiting for?

Who knows what the next couple of months have in store for me – but stay tuned as I adventure through the rest of 2020.

10 Introverted Side Hustler Things To Do for Fun When You Are Spending Your Money Paying Off Your Debt!

Let me paint the picture for you: It is Good Friday. I worked a redeye from Cancun the night previous and we were mega delayed. Like mega, mega delayed – we were supposed to land at 5 am – we didn’t land till 7am. I had thought that what I would do was sleep for like 6 hours and go to this interview. But by the time I got home from work and got into bed it was close to 10am. But I made a commitment – so on 3 hours of sleep I decided against my better judgement to go this interview for a job that I seriously didn’t even want.

Now I am at a job interview for a place that I literally have no interest in working at … it happens. I want more money. The thing is they ask me what I do for fun. I froze. I literally had no idea what to say – like what do I do for fun these days. It got me thinking probably in a way that I shouldn’t be thinking but seriously it just made me assess what was going on with my life. What the fuck do I do for fun? Who the fuck am I these days …

I literally thought to myself – I don’t have money to have fun. I am that strapped for cash. That is why I am at an interview to work at a smokehouse as a vegan – because I need money so I can have more fun. But this also made me think what are the things that I do do to entertain myself while I focus on paying my bills.

Here is the thing – more than ever before, right now, my primary focus is to pay off my debt. I eat, breathe, sleep paying my bills. Even when I have no money to make the bill payments, I make them – and live off of practically nothing so that I can get myself ahead financially. If you are wondering – it fucking sucks. But I am banking on future me to be happy that past me hunkered down and paid off my fucking bills.

I mean telling someone that what I do for fun is sending hilarious memes to my friends because I can’t afford actual fun seems kind of pathetic but right now it is the truth.

So here are 10 thing I do for fun  – someone that is super introverted, looking for a side hustle and mostly into things that don’t cost me money:

1) Drink coffee or tea and walk on the Calgary/local trails: this is one of my favorite spring/summer/fall things to do. The city I live in is FULL of wicked trails on creeks and rivers and all nature like and honestly I am not tired of them yet. I make coffee or tea and home or bring a hydroflask of water and literally wander for hours. Good for the soul, good for the heart, good for the pocket book.

2) Hike in the Mountains: There are so many awesome trails in day trip proximity to Calgary. If you stay out of Banff you can hike for free. And if the word hiking sounds intimidating – honestly it’s walking in the Mountains. You can make this whatever you want to make it. Download the ALLTRAILS app – you can find all the cool trails near you and it is free.  I wear my thrifted flannels, my Blundstones and bring a backpack. Honestly you don’t need expressive hiking gear to do this and pack a lunch and snacks. If you are extra smart you might pack a few ciders and leave them on ice for when you are done the trail! You could make a small one-time per year investment and get a park pass for the Mountains – it would be worth your while!

3) Netflix: Yes this is a month expense but honestly, I am paying for it anyway so might as well use it. I went through a phase where I was all about watching documentaries. Now I am on a kick where I am trying to watch all the classic movies that I never watched when I was younger. I am embarrassed to admit there is a super long list. I was busy traveling and being outside and going to raves to care about movies back in the day.

4) YouTube: Watch and Create!! There has been a lot of years that I have wanted to be a YouTuber – vlogger. I just travel so much for work that I thought it would be interesting. I love Youtube is it so fun. There are lots of people I follow. It is honestly mega fun to make videos. Everyone that has some sort of phone – use the camera, make the videos, string them together. Just start. Anyone can do this and if you are good enough one day it might be your side hustle but mostly its just fun as fuck to create things.

5) Podcasts: Listen and Create. This is another platform that I love. It is something to do. Literally you can create voice recording on your phone and upload them. Interviewing my friends is super fun to do – just talking without having to actually look presentable is pretty wicked.

6) Take Photos: Instagram. I love taking photos. The camera on my phone is awesome. Why not just find cool spots in the city to take photos and go for it. It is totally free to do and to upload. I have 1000s of wicked photos – if you put in a little google search you can find the coolest places to take photos in most cities.

7) Volunteer (at music festival) – I used to be a mega festival go-er. Times have changes. Money is tight. So now I find a couple festivals I would love to go to and I sign up to volunteer. It keeps me busy AND I get a free festival pass for volunteering. I meet amazingly cool people, still get take in the music and get myself into way less trouble because I have festival commitments AND it just win-win in my mind. Volunteer (the animal sanctuary) – hanging out with animals, spending time outside, learning some new life skills – I think finding things you are passionate about and getting involved is so good for your mental health. If that is working with animals or volunteering with kids. The point of this on is basically just volunteer for things that you find interesting so you can meet people with the same interests. Get involved in your community.

8) Writing/Blogging. Free as fuck. It is just your mind. WordPress is free. You just need to sit down and hammer it out. I love working through my life by writing it out. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. The dream is to write a book – current mission write the plot summary and book ideas out chapter by chapter and then giver.

9) Read: I love non fiction. I really, really love self help. But that doesn’t mean I don’t read other stuff. I trade books, borrow book, use my library card, use the libby app to read online. There are all sort of ways to get free material. Sometimes it is really good to just shut the internet connections down and get lost in a book. Whatever your like.

10) Try new recipes!! I realize this isn’t free but we all have to eat. I love to cook. I love trying new vegan recipes. I love testing out things in the kitchen. This is a good excuse to find cool things to try online or in one of the many cookbooks that I have. Also a great excuse to have friends over – sharing food is the best.

Bonus) Have a few drinks with my friends, drink coffee with my friends – eat out with my friends, travel with my friends – while it is really, really good to stay on top of my finances – it is also super good to spend some money and to not always go the cheap route. It is super duper important to occasionally spend money on yourself. To treat yourself and to say yes to some of the social outings that are offered to you.


So here I am folks at the local Second Cup spending my early evening doing something that I find fun which is writing this blog post and think about what I am going to do for my next staycation day.


tell tale signs of impending change

Fig.1:  When I need to clear my head, clear my thoughts, I go to the water.  Reykjavik Iceland. Greenland Sea.


I have a huge decision to make. HUGE. And while for some people that is super easy for some reason at this point in my life (or maybe all points) I am really struggling with decisions. I stress like an overthinking motherfucker, I lose sleep, I talk to everyone about, I even go as far as being physically unable to sleep, socialize or do anything normal because of it.

In my later years I have noticed patterns or things I do when a massive change in my life is about to occur:

  1. Anxiety. My anxiety reaches an all encompassing level.  I literally walk around in days in a full blown anxiety attack. I even wish I had friends these days with Xanax or something of that nature. I have an inability to focus, to have conversations, to just be a normal person doing normal things.
  2. I buy hair dye. Currently at home I have lavender and pastel pink, both wash out in 6 washed but nonetheless I bought the hair dye – lots of hair dye. I then do something stupid to my hair. I usually then spend 6 months repairing said stupid hair decision.
  3. UNSUBSCRIBE.  This time I unsubscribed to all the YouTubers I was following who weren’t aligned with my current mission. I also deleted Facebook and YouTube from my phone. In the past I have deleted social media apps – take away all social influence.  I also turned off notifications to everything on my phone so I am not getting 5000 little icons telling me to watch videos, pay attention to traffic, weather pop ups and everything else. I shut off.
  4. Clean out my closet and donate. This will inevitably be a weekend project. But I have so many things that I don’t wear, don’t fit or are just not right. Get rid of old me stuff.
  5. Eat up all the things in my freezer. I am a meal prep machine. Often I make extra so I can freeze them. But every now and again my freezer goes all crazy and I need to eat up everything and start fresh.
  6. Clean out my cupboards. Same concepts. Clean out and regroup.
  7. Drink tea. Tea is so relaxing and it makes you think. I forget to attempt to shut everything off.
  8. Think about it to a point that I can no longer write about it.
  9. Finally reach a point that I can write  – hello blog post?!@
  10. Agonize over every possible life solution and try to make what I deems is a sound, grown up decision.

The truth is since I moved to Edmonton. Life hasn’t been that much fun. I have had fun times but over all I feel low most of the time. I have consistently worked 50-60 hours a weeks to at first catch up on bills and now to pay for my life.  In the last year I have dabbled on and off with weight watchers in hopes to get back to my healthy self. However, it has proven to be incredible difficult with working so much. So a few months ago I decided I needed a better paying job. I needed to change things up. I needed something different.  So my decision is contemplating a shift. Choosing me and health before choosing a job and money.


I got offered something that isn’t in my field that I would be a perfect fit for. I accepted it instantly doing all the things I need to do to make it happen. Then I realized my current life with all my bills that the perks of this job  wouldn’t be perks because I would never be able to actually use them making me wonder if it really is worth it. Enter Crisis.

So now I am about a few weeks out and I need to make decisions. I need to wake up, smell the coffee and get all grown up about what my actual needs, desire and wants are. What the fuck do I want my life to look like?

As I savagely tear apart my apartment I wonder what the universe has in store of me. See I have known for a long time there are no right or wrong decisions just choices. And with every choice there are pros and cons and you just have to fucking deal with the consequences of your choices. How do you make a decision knowing all those things? I am proposing a plan. I am just going to throw it out in the universe and if it is meant to be, it’ll happen. Nothing else I can do about it.

How do you deal with impending change? What are you go to decision making solution? What do you do when you really want something but road blocks are there?


Livin’ La Vida Company Trip to Mexico

Sometime back in December I was required to attend a mandatory company trip to Mexico.  It was kind of weird for more reasons than I can safely write on the internet. That being said there was some good moments also. While it is currently what I hope might be the last deep freeze of the Winter – I decided to finally make that video footage into a vlog and dream of warmer days.


I hope you giggled at least a little,

Stay Warm, Friends!



no spend, no buy, just no no no day

I spend money every day. I tap my debit card or my credit card so many times a day it’s crazy. Recently at work some one said to me they can only use 12 debits a month on their debit card. I was literally in shock. I think sometimes I use 12 debits a day. One might think out of control. I have been working hard at not spending money and following my no-buy rules …  really, everyday, I am learning new tricks to get out of my house, do free things or get those projects done  – but not spending is a fucking challenge for me.

Last week I caught a post on Mixed Up Money’s twitter of a recent blog post & YouTube video about a 72 hour No-Buy – fucking crazy right?! ….

And then you can see what happen:


If you guys are into some sassy ass, money saving awesomeness  – you should read her stuff. I literally promise she has nothing to do with this, I am not getting paid or being sponsored. I am not that internet famous yet. That will be next month. jk’s. Just dreaming big. I digress.

So while I strive for minimalism, organization, and a weekend I SOOOOOOOOOOO needed to relax after all the work I have been doing. I successfully completed a full day -no-buy and I vlogged the shit out of it.

How d’you like them apples?!



ps; You can follow me on Twitter here <3!!!

It all Connects.

Minimalism is trending. Big time. It is everywhere you look. People are downsizing their closets, their kitchens, their housing, their physical belongings – in my case, I have done a lot of that already so I have really been working on my social media. A  lot of  people ask me why I have been getting rid of things, downsizing, decluttering; a lot of people are curious – a lot of people just don’t understand.

The thing you need to know: Happiness isn’t found in things.

On my journey to enlightenment or to being a happier, more sound human. I too find a happiness within and not from material things. I consciously choose to work at not cluttering my space. I don’t live in a white apartment, with white sheets and one plant. I have far to many collectables from far too many times in my life. But I do actively try to take options out of my life. Simplify.

We are simply cluttered with options and choices and I don’t want to live like that anymore.

Listen, I know it is not for everybody – it is a popular phrase these days but “you do you”.  So really – do you! I have no problem with the way other people chose to live. I am just on a journey in my life right now to do things differently. Actually it has been happening for the last 5 years – each year with more intensity. I am on a journey to let go. I want to relinquish the past to make way for the future. It isn’t a hard concept, really. While we all have had different paths – different sets of challenges – a lot of our end goals are the same – companionship, relationships, abundance, love.

The more I travel, the more I learn, the more I see – the better it is for me, better to understand life.  One day, if I keep looking, keep manifesting, I will receive exactly what I intended. It is  easier to be direct with intentions without the energy of unwanted things occupying space. See for me – it’s all connected; minimalism, spirituality, veganism (vegetarianism). Learning the principles of dharma in our often chaotic, modern consumerism driven world.


About Dharma:

Happiness is a state of mind, so the real source of happiness must lie within the mind, not in external conditions.

“Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to suffer, but very few people understand the real causes of happiness and suffering. We tend to look for happiness outside ourself, thinking that if we had the right house, the right car, the right job, and the right friends we would be truly happy. We spend almost all our time adjusting the external world, trying to make it conform to our wishes. All our life we have tried to surround ourself with people and things that make us feel comfortable, secure, or stimulated, yet still we have not found pure and lasting happiness.


I had a bit of a rough ride, got a little lost on the way and that is exactly why you all love and appreciate me today. My journey is ongoing. I just hadn’t quite figured out how to let it all go. I missed all these people and all these place and all these things and it was, and still is, making is hard to just be present. The material memory wasn’t making it better. It was weighing me down.  I need to be here; be in Edmonton. Living my life without constantly wanting, wish and hoping to be buying more plane tickets and to escape the harsh realities of the decisions I have made. Because no one else made those decisions, I did. I am not sinking in some misery hole of bad decisions. Nor am I always a pensive mess; large amounts of depression have not permeated my life. I am just working on getting rid of shitty people, shitty things and finding all that abundance and happiness within.

It is in there, in its simplest form, begging to be unleashed.

So while minimalism is a current trend. Ancient religions like Hinduism, Buddhism etc have been practicing none suffering and dharma for centuries.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” – Buddha

With that friends – I urge you to use your phone like the powerful tool that it is … read more interesting things, feed your brain and feed your soul. In the end  – the only one that can do that for you is you. It is all found within.

With Love & Light,