If there is one thing that I find incredibly difficult it is setting boundaries with people.
Second to that is properly expressing my feelings when they are hurt.
I am a HIGHLY sensitive human.
Sensitive to the point that something that happened months ago can boil up and hurt me at an unsuspecting time. I have over the years known this about myself and mostly learned to deal with it. But on occasion it creeps in out of nowhere and I lose control.
2020 has thrown me a mind fuck of a time – I honestly didn’t really vision me being unemployed for this long. I didn’t vision me wondering what to do with my life. I also didn’t plan on setting my bar high and going after some long term dreams.
But here I am … just doing that.
In the last few weeks I have really started to feel like connecting with other humans has become increasingly difficult. I don’t know if it is the people that I have chosen as friends, my fear of making new friends, or just an overall feeling of complete social isolation … but some sort of shit is happening and it is powerful.
I have realized that I, for the most part, have been (in the past) a pretty chill human being. I am flexible wth plans and flexible with changes … or at least I thought. I guess until now. I think that because I want to have social/friend time I become too flexible to other peoples schedules and then forget about myself in the process.
2020 has made me realize that I need to be more selfish. I need to be better at sticking to my guns and doing what I want and following the lead of others and making sure I take care of myself first.
Setting this type of boundary has definitely shaken up a lot of my friendships and relationships.
When you set boundaries you change your role in friendships and relationships – you change you position and it changes the dynamic.
And it is hard.
Very few people talk about what happens in your world when you set personal boundaries – it gets lonely.
It gets lonely because all the people that were taking advantage of you and not respecting you are now put into question.
It is really hard to stand up for yourself and see that you are worth it. Your schedule is worth it and that people that don’t respect you are not people worth having in your life.
Forging a new path, a new dream – it takes work and dedication. The same with deciding how to let people treat you. You set the bar for appropriate behaviour – you choose.
You are worth someones full attention.
You are worthy of being a priority.
You are worth you goals and dreams.
You are worth standing up for yourself and not taking any shit for anyone.
Setting boundaries and setting the pace for what I need, for me, is honestly some of the hardest things for me to do. Because when I set boundaries I feel like I lose out on things. And honestly that isn’t the truth.
When you set boundaries you don’t miss out on anything. You get everything that you need for you.
If someone doesn’t want to respect you or your boundaries – if they don’t want to treat you as human – they are not worth it.
2020 has been a great year for reflection and understanding. Setting new goals and aspirations and seeing the shifts that we are all making as we adapt to what is now the norm.
Today I challenge you to stand up for yourself and set one boundary that wasn’t there before. Loudly state something that you need that you aren’t getting because of an action you are allowing (from yourself or someone else) – see how that feels …. and grow from it.