Do you live for Memories or in the ‘RIGHT NOW’ Moment?

I have had my laptop since 2010. It is an Acer. I am surprised it still runs, honestly. It has absolutely seen better days. I have known for some time now that I need to invest in a new computer. I have had to repair parts. I bought a new battery and a couple years ago the guy I was dating bought me a terabit drive for my birthday to back up the entire computer.  Since that time  – every photo, every bit of writing, every portfolio has been stored on that hard drive. It is my life. 2 nights ago  – it reconfigured and I lost everything.

I instantly wanted to cry.

All my photo memories. All my music. All my everything. It is soul crushing losing everything.

While making light of the situation one of my Besties said – maybe it is time to restart.  Is it the universes’ way of telling me to let go and move forward?  Maybe she is right. 

Maybe.

I am not frozen in time but sometimes I miss my old life so much that I have gotten so much anxiety about my new life.  I just think about being other places and forget that I am in a place. I am doing amazing things. The universe time and time again has offered me opportunity and I am so scared that I don’t take it. It is like she is dangling opportunity right in front of my face. People, things, events, social gatherings and I think no – it won’t compare to what I had. I am failing myself by not giving it a chance. Gawd Damn.

It is crazy how much trust I put into that little black box. All my memories, all my life, all my stuff. But the question is – are those things really important or is life trying to force me into a RESET!

I am going to take that magical box down to a  repair place and hope for the best today.  I wonder though – does all this social media, Instagram, Snap Chat, Facebook – the photo memories of our life place as much importance as we think it does? or are we just caught up in the hype of showing that we are interesting people?

What do you think? Is social media a tool for bragging or a place for memories?

My Travel Bucket List

I have been in Edmonton about a year and a half and I am getting dangerously close to that time where I pick up and fly away. I have made lots of financial goal, health goals and a must do list of things in Edmonton – so travel is taking a back seat. Right now I am dreaming of all the places and things I would like to be doing that don’t involve working so much. So I put together a list of my dream travel trips. My currently bucket list of trips  want to do.

 

  • Take the Trans-Siberian from Beijing to Moscow (through Mongolia)
  • Take the train from India (New Delhi) to Turkey
  • Drive from Argentina to Canada
  • Move to Indonesia and live in a hut and write
  • Live in Dubai for a year
  • Backpack the African Countries
  • Visit Greenland
  • Travel to Newfoundland & Labrador, Nunavut and North West Territories (only places let to travel to in Canada)
  • Drive the west Coast of Canada and the USA
  • India (Nepal and Sri Lanka)

 

Where are you dying to get to next?  Let me know in the comments below!

xoxo,

 

that vegan life.

Tonight while chomping down on some vegan mashed potato pizza – I was thinking about vegan things.  While I am not always vegan I try my best most of the time. My slips up are always cheese or other dairy related things. In every other category I succeed. This used to really bother me – but it doesn’t have the same clout as it used to. I work a lot and some days there just isn’t enough time to prepare – and getting vegan food isn’t always as easy as you want it to be.  It is a journey at the best of times. A learning process. I have had moments in my life where I had thought about not being a vegetarian anymore. I honestly don’t think I could do it. But sometimes I need to give myself reasons to keep doing what I a doing. So here we have it:

My Reasons for Vegan:

  • I love beans
  • I love making new recipes
  • I love that being vegan has taught me to cook
  • I love introducing people to vegan eats
  • I don’t ever have to eat anything with eyes
  • I can be picky as fuck and blame it on vegan
  • I love fruits and veggies. I could eat only fruit all summer. Cherries, baby!
  • I don’t ever get meat sweats
  • I can grow my own food
  • I rarely have more than one or two options on a menu. It takes away my choice.
  • I feel better
  • I have minimized my kitchen
  • And my fridge
  • Most of my groceries come from one part of the grocery store
  • Mother nature’s fast food is fruit
  • I love what I eat
  • Whole foods are bomb
  • vegan is rad as fuck, who are we kidding?!
  • One day I will figure out being a skinny vegan and my life will be complete
  • My body doesn’t feel heavy after I eat
  • Man .. I just love my food lifestyle

 

I could go on about the cruelty of the meat industry  – but I don’t want to. I am vegetarian for so many other reasons that that. The real truth is – I just want to feel good and eating vegan does that for me.

Stay happy, eat plants.

Till next time,

xoxo,

C

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What keeps you HAPPY?

I recently started reading the book Pivot by Jenny Blake. One of those interesting reads that forces you to look within to figure out to where to go next.

This last little while I have been feeling stagnant in my life:  work, sleep, eat, sleep, go on a date, have it not work, go for a coffee with friends, realize I’m on a different page, sleep, chat with my sisters, visit the shopping store, buy shit, attempt to be fulfilled … blah, blah … I like all those things but it lacks adventure.  I have been feeling stagnant at my job because there is no where for me to advance and in Edmonton as a city as a whole. I feel bored. Boredom to the extent that it is causing me headaches from not being challenged enough.

Normally my next move would be to move. Country hop. Lifestyle hop. Do something that challenges me. However, I am trying to adult. Hardcore. I am trying to get a stronghold on paying off my loans. I promised myself that I wouldn’t move abroad again until I have paid down 20K off my student loans (hint – that is at like 19k and change away OR at very least I need to have paid of my Alberta and Nova Scotia Loans)

And then this came up in my Instagram feed this AM:

Screenshot_20170319-102218.png

And it hit me hard with the wonderment of this existence in my life. You know, happiness. What is missing? What is lacking? Am I happy with my life here in Edmonton?

With all this information smacked together – I have come to this vortex of knowledge.  The Oprah light bulb moment or “AH-HA” rang its bell. My intentions for Edmonton was money. Pure and simple. I moved to this city out of a place of desperation. I left Montreal crumbled, beaten down and exhausted. I moved back to Alberta and specifically Edmonton because I needed a fresh start, I needed a job in my field and I needed to crush some immediate debt that I acquired living in Montreal.  I was over extended everywhere.

 

However, since I now have paid those debts. Had my debt fatigue trips. And have re-budgeted for student loan payments. I am thinking, what’s next? I am month two into this and I just feel drained. I lack a drive and desire to do things. Be social. Have fun. I feel like everything goes back to money. I don’t want to drink because I don’t have money. I don’t want to drink because  am on a diet.  I don’t have money because I am spending $1000 a month on debt repayment. I want to be skinny but can be fucked to eat right buuuut my weight is wearing on my self confidence. There is always fucking something that limits me … and you know what guys, that something is me. That something is my intentions. That something is an unwillingness to go it alone and explore Edmonton for what it really has to offer.

In light of signing my lease for another year. And officially staying in Edmonton for awhile – I have decided to give it my all.  Because I know that debt repayment is happening I can now set my intentions on other things like – weigh-loss, building a social community, developing my creative space online via this blog, Instagram and twitter and just being here. This is a huge shift. This means maybe reworking my schedule, maybe feeling uncomfortable, maybe learning to not let my anxiety take over my life. But there is only one person that can change things and that person is me. Sometimes you need to change up the routine, apply for new jobs, work on your passion projects and really see the fruits of your labor.

With that in mind I want to know from you:

Are you in love with your life? How did you make that happen? Could you have more? How are you challenge yourself to be happier?

LEAVE ME SOME LOVE IN THE COMMENTS &

PLEASE FOLLOW ME – HELP ME GROW MY COMMUNITY!

XOXO,

C

What even is St Patrick’s day?

St Patrick’s day was definitely a holiday or celebration of my youth. I religiously drank enough to vomit up a green beer drinking frenzy. Yes, university days. Yes, youth. Yes, the sense of adventure I realized this morning left me quite a few years ago. Now stress has taken over and I have let all the realities of adult life make me cranky as fuck. The most festive I will be today is the green sweater I am sporting that I picked up somewhere in Chile some 8 years ago. I am working a double today – and if I am tired at 9am I will absolutely be tired at 10pm. Luckily I have beer in my fridge (that has been hanging out for months and I have been to busy to drink) and I can have a lame ass quite celebration at home after a 13hr work day. Woot!

Anyway this morning I got to thinking about what exactly we are celebrating on St Patrick’s day. I mean – I have done it in the past but what is the significance of the day in terms of Irish culture. I honestly just thought it was Irish Independence day. Or Ireland’s Birthday but that is false. It is actually a Christianity thing. St Patrick’s day officially became a christian fest day in the 17C and the day commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland, and celebrates the heritage and culture of the Irish.  Like seriously though, who knew?


Saint Patrick

Patrick was a 5th-century Romano-British Christian missionary and bishop in Ireland. Much of what is known about Saint Patrick comes from the Declaration, which was allegedly written by Patrick himself. It is believed that he was born in Roman Britain in the fourth century, into a wealthy Romano-British family. His father was a deacon and his grandfather was a priest in the Christian church. According to the Declaration, at the age of sixteen, he was kidnapped by Irish raiders and taken as a slave to Gaelic Ireland. It says that he spent six years there working as a shepherd and that during this time he “found God”. The Declaration says that God told Patrick to flee to the coast, where a ship would be waiting to take him home. After making his way home, Patrick went on to become a priest.
According to tradition, Patrick returned to Ireland to convert the pagan Irish to Christianity. The Declaration says that he spent many years evangelising in the northern half of Ireland and converted “thousands”. Patrick’s efforts against the druids were eventually turned into an allegory in which he drove “snakes” out of Ireland (Ireland never had any snakes).
Tradition holds that he died on 17 March and was buried at Downpatrick. Over the following centuries, many legends grew up around Patrick and he became Ireland’s foremost saint.

 

So all you green beer drinking Youngins getting wasted tonight – you should know what you are celebrating – is Christianity in Ireland really a thing worth celebrating? I mean celebrating the Irish is for damn sure. They are all rad as fuck. Ireland right now, maybe not so much (do some research on the economic state of Ireland if you have no idea what I am talking about or if you live in Alberta you can just go down to the pub and find all the Irish expats there).

What is the best St Paddy’s day celebration you had?

I would tell you mine but the only memory I have is in photos from someone’s camera because I seriously don’t remember a thing. Must of been a time. #drunkasfuck

Leave my your stories below!

xoxo,

C

 

 

Writers Block. How do you move past it?

I have started and erased this post probably 10 times today because I have thought they were all shit. Today I admit my confidence is not where I want it to be. Tomorrow will be a better day. I don’t want to break a promise I made about trying to write more. Today I am drained, tried, cranky and just can’t.

How do you write through your writers block? How do you push your creative envelop when it feels dry? What do you do when you feel like you are trapped with life?

Today readers, I am asking you … I’d love to chat about creative block, life blocks and shaking things up …

Lets go …..

 

XOXO,

C

 

 

Lets talk dropping weight …

I literally just want to know your best tips, tricks and awesome advice to get on the get fit, get healthy, lose weight, gain confidence thing.

I was full on weight lose game in the summer of 2016 then life happened, work happened, essentially 3 jobs happened and the first thing that went out the window eating healthy delicious amazing food. You know what happens when you are tired friends, you binge eat whatever is in your fridge. Even when I am not tried I have a hard time making it to the gym. So I am just taking this opportunity to be accountable for it.

 

Do you think I can focus on working a lot to pay off my debt AND focus enough on eating right so I can shed some pounds, make time for a working out, blogging, vloggig, dating and enough sleep – all at the same time? I think I need to channel my inner super woman.

Thoughts?!

Leave some love – I need some encouragement!

xoxo,

C

 

 

breaking promises to yourself ..

Am I the only one that breaks promises to themselves?

I have noticed that I have developed a huge pattern of breaking promises to myself.  It happens on the daily. I have no idea why – why don’t I honor myself to do the things I really, really want to do? I recently decided I wanted to be a better human. Not because I don’t love myself but because I want more from my life. I want to start achieving some of the goals I have wanted to achieve for years.

I am not sure why my priorities for myself always come last. It’s disheartening. My crippling anxiety often stands in the way of being a social human being, of having adventures, sometimes my anxiety takes over and I get lazy and I forget to be my fun self and I am my scared self. Just plain scared. I want this promise breaking to end.

A couple of day ago I promised myself I would do 17 things in 2017 . In an attempt to not break promises to myself. I did one of the 17 items on the list. A easy actionable item. I dyed my hair.

1 down 16 to go -Woot, Woot!

Do you guys have problems with this? How do you remember to always put yourself first?

xoxo,

C

 

Sorry

Do you ever wish you could just apologize? I mean go back to a time and apologize for doing the shitty things that you did while you were a different person? Sometimes I do.

I am sorry I stole money from you. I am sorry I borrowed money and never paid it back. I am sorry I didn’t know how to say no. I am sorry that I didn’t have the money to pay you back when you wanted. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for myself and say no. I am sorry I came on the trip anyway. I am sorry I made it feel like you needed to pay for me. I am sorry that you needed to take care of me. I am sorry I made it easy for you to steal from my wallet. I am sorry you slept with me so you could steal from my wallet thinking I didn’t know. I am sorry I wasn’t the druggie you wanted me to be when you wanted me to be it. I am sorry for lying to you. I am sorry for giving you my power. I am sorry for taking your power. I am sorry that my words made you feel like shit.  I am sorry for talking behind your back. I am sorry you thought I was needy. I am sorry that I made you get too high. I am sorry for making you party again. I am sorry for treating you less than you deserve. I am sorry for not being the person that you need me to be. I am sorry for bitching all the time. I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that I wanted more. I am sorry that I have to many emotions. I am sorry that I cry all the time. I am sorry I broke a promise to you. I am sorry that I lost touch with you. I am sorry that we grew apart. I am sorry that I can’t afford that. I am sorry that I  have super high standards from my friends. I am sorry that I just cant. I am sorry for leaving you. I am sorry we can’t be friends anymore.

But mostly I am sorry that not sorry for being me.