I was furloughed from my airline way back in March. I have tried a few times to look for work but nothing has really panned out. I don’t get calls back and recently in a pretty emotional conversation with my therapist I realized it was mostly rooted in GUILT!
The thing is – I am not struggling, I am just not getting ahead. For many years I have put aside my creative mind to work jobs that I haven’t entirely been happy with because I needed the money. And because of that I haven’t had the time to pursue my passion projects.
So instead of looking for a job I realized that I could spend my time working on my creative endeavours and still sit comfortably in the situation I am in.
I realized I could have a gym routine.
I could try and have a healthy eating routine.
I could switch to mostly decaf.
I could spend time taking photos and making videos.
But when I do all of that I have a nagging guilt that I should be doing more. I should be contributing more to society. I should, I should, I should …
But at the end of the day I need to look out for me and my wants and needs.
Are you furloughed and struggling too?
Why can’t we just be okay with what we want to do? Why do we care what other people think of the choices we make?
I am a sensitive bitch and I care what people think – but actually I think I care too much.
I am learning a lot about myself during this master mess of a year. I am learning that I do a lot of things that other people like and have yet to really figure out what it is that I like.
I am learning that I am allowed to want different things at a different age. I am learning that my wants and needs have changed. I am learning to say no. I am learning to tell people when they are being shitty. I am learning to stand up for myself and my needs.
And, you should too!
There is nothing more empowering than being confident in your decision to do whatever makes you happy.
Because of many years in a bad financial situation I never took the time to develop my own hobbies and interests. And I never took the time to really work on the things that I thought were interesting. I would see people online doing stuff and really understand the privilege that they didn’t see.
I am not suggesting that you should be using this year to build a social media presence or build a brand and build a business – but I am suggesting that if you are at home and not working and have no idea what to do … it might be a good time to look within and figure out things you are passionate about OR work on some of the passion projects guilt free.
Today I sat down with you on YouTube and ate some nachos and really talked about all my scattered thoughts.
I talked about changes in aviation. I talked about wanting to use my travel benefits before they ran out. I talked about wanting to buy an adventure vehicle (and the cost). I talk about my dream to overland to Patagonia. I talked about depression and all sorts of stuff – really I laid into you about all the things I think about with all this free time.
And now I am here trying to figure out how to turn my dreams into a reality. Wouldn’t it be great to just have one massive dream come true?
You can watch it here (don’t forget to hit the subscribe button)
So if you are just out there feeling like I am feeling all guilty and shit – guilty for having free time that you earned after busting your butt for years to get here – I get you, I feel you and I am here for you.
You are allowed to do what you need to do to make you happy. If that means staying home and working on your YouTube or Blog or Sewing or whatever; I am here to say …