I try really hard to not get into conversations that discuss Christianity.
I am not religious. Spiritual yes, Christian fuck no!
Christianity is a toxic topic for me and the drivel that comes out of my mouth when people talk about it is disgusting. It wasn’t until recent years that I realized that I hate the concepts of Christianity with every fiber of my being.
I remember a time when I was young and out at a sleep away camp. I forget the name of the camp but I was young and it was a new camp. I recalled being at a session where some Camp Counselor told me that unless I got down on my knees and begged God to be able to follow him I would never be a true Christian and I would burn in Hell.
I had always been taught that God chose me. I felt confused and scared.
I didn’t want to do it, but I had too. I felt bullied into being a Christian.
Fast forward many years and my parents forced me to attend church and youth group. I HATED youth group because I always thought the kids where picking on me and didn’t want to be my friend. I was not in the same elite social circle of Paster’s kids at the time and they let me know it. And what was worse than all of that was – if I didn’t attend these two events on a weekly basis I wasn’t allowed to go out with my school Friends.
I think it was at that age I realized that Christians can be fucking assholes.
So when people ask me about the church and about religion – I can go on a rant about how I think most Christian are assholes. And I do. I can pick out all the things that prove my point, all the bullshit around the stories of the Bible. I will go there if I need too. I have even gone so far as to delete certain friends from my social media feed because I can’t stand the Christian bullshit they post.
Yesterday at work we were talking about how people can only really have an opinion based on their unique experience at life. And while you, the reader or Friend, may feel completely different that I do about religion and Christianity. My opinions are shaped by a pretty menacing unfair undertone and by mistreatment and unfairness that was part of my childhood.
What I didn’t understand as a child but I understand now is that that camp counselor was dealing with something in their own right and that they felt that they needed to be a servant of Gad – that feeling had nothing to do with me. My parents were dealing with whatever struggles they were presented with and that shitty treatment was their insecurity and anxiety and had nothing to do with me.
Humans are simple creatures. Attitudes, perceptions are always a reflection of yourself and what you are going through. So remember that the next time someone is telling you what kind of spirituality you need, or what kind of God you need to believe in. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
While I will likely never change my adult perception of Christians because of some super scaring childhood memories – it is best to understand it is completely based on my perspective. I have found something else that works for me. And, so should you.
Love, Light and Perceptive.