MASTERING THE ART OF MAKING MY YOUTUBE BINGE WATCHING HELP WITH PERSONAL GROWTH

I’m about 6 weeks into my new job and tonight I am online searching for vacation rentals in Delray Beach, Florida.

Or maybe Boca Raton.

I’m going to walk you through how I got here. Because isolation has led me to an interesting place.

It is the last day in March 2021. It has been a year to the date that I worked my last pairing, a redeye flight to Toronto, Ontario.

I was then furloughed for 10 months before I got a hit on a job application.

About 3 months ago I got offered a job with my provincial health care organization to track positive cases and exposures related to the current pandemic. I didn’t actually start working until mid-February (about 2.5 months after my initial offer of employment). Just another added frustration in months of frustrations that have been forced upon me in the last year.

2020; what a nightmare … that continues to live on.

My Province has been fairly locked down since Christmas, so the daily cases weren’t high the first few weeks of my training.

#bless

Less cases meant more downtime at work. At first, we had to do team cases and /or were paired off to do cases. Then came heaps of extra learning about virus tracking and other pandemics. But truthfully, I also used some of that free time to cruise YouTube on the side. YouTube is a rabbit hole and that landed me on videos about venomous reptiles and hillbilly Floridan’s.

YouTube suggested this for me, and they were not wrong. Old me would have pretended not to like this type of redneck shit but I’m invested. These YouTubers are fascinating.

I digress.

I have historically not been that interested in travelling in the United States; in particular with the past government. But things change, I have changed. And if I could be boating and beer drinking and hillbillying right now — ummmmmm, sign me the fuck up.

It is hard to really sum up how much growth and development has happened for me in the last year — mostly because I have barely caught up to myself. I haven’t ever forced myself to slow down and really take a look, my life has mostly been one messy shit storm of bad decisions to the next. Fun. But doesn’t really let you dig deep and figure things out. I have never really slowed down enough to deal with any of the traumas. I just worked, and worked and fucked around knowing all this time that no one was going to fix me but myself, but I still refused to dive in. Who has time for that shit?

I just always figured things would turn out how they were supposed to but if I learned anything in the last year it is that things can blow up and your life can change at the blink of an eye. I have also learned that in order to really truly get what I want — I need to do the damn work. I just need to fucking start, get out there, and do.

Watching some of these Floridians online made me realize some things that I never really spent time focusing on before. Which when I type that sounds just damn foolish. But when you see people being genuine at their core and living their authentic self without giving a fuck — and you are in the place of growth and forging a new you — that shit hits hard.

I have been to some places. I have meet the dopest people. I have friends in all sorts of beautiful places and walks of life and I cherish those people and those friendships for exactly what they are. But when you realize you haven’t been truthful to yourself — it makes you questions the journey. I have just realized my lack of truth to myself and that years of people pleasing led me to a life wading in this grey area. What I want for myself and the judgement that others were placing on me and my ideas — that shit wasn’t lining up.

I was always so concerned that if my ideas didn’t line up with other people’s ideals I would be left to walk alone and I am tired of walking alone.

Believe it or not: I am scared. Scared of trying new things. Scared of rejection. Scared of being alone. Scared of not being alone. Scared of losing myself. Just scared.

Yes, me — someone who has lived on 4 continents is scared to try new things. I don’t ever want to appear like I can’t do something. I have a massive fear of failure and looking bad. So much so that I have pigeonholed my life to make it easy to not have to do that. I realized that I have taken on some very judgmental behaviors because of my fear. Because making fun of everything and refusing to commit to anything — lets you please everyone around you. How bizarre that I developed that mindset?

Wild.

This new development — ya, I forced on myself because 2020. It fucked me up. It fucked me up because for the first time in a long time I am at a place of growth where I realize how important it is to speak my truth, and to say no to things I do not want to do, and if that costs me friendships, those people where never friends.

Seeing youtubers just living their lonesome truths is just downright inspiring.

The pandemic has made me realize I want more and the only person that has ever stop that from happening is me, my life decisions, and my fear of standing out. But spending all this time watching people online has just made me see we are all kind of the same – floating through life trying to figure it out. It has really made me see through peoples tattoos and piercings and strange hair and made me see through people need to look and be just like what society tells them to look like. It’s made me see through all their fronts that I used to take as absolutes.

I take the opinions of others to heart. I listen to other people’s opinion and take that as the truth and that, friends, that shit fucks you up.

Being isolated for so long has forced me into dealing with mental health issues, anxiety issues, it has had me face addiction issue head on. It forced me to look at myself and my friendships and relationships in a different manner. Personal growth and development are inevitable in a time of isolation and lack of stimulation. It forces you to pay attention and to deal with yourself. As someone who has heavily leaned into narcotics in the past, the last place I wanted to end up at the end of all of this was with another round of nonstop avoidance of my life. And that people, in some moments, has been a really difficult choice.

I sat for months working through turmoil myself — until I finally found someone that I could talk to about how to show up as me today instead of the me from 10 years ago.

How to allow myself to be who I am and not who I was. How to really shut the door to a different chapter, how to clear out space for whatever adventure life brings next — and hopefully soon I will learn all the tools to stop being so scared.

I am so far removed from where I was and this down time has allowed me to crack open a vault of feelings that I never dealt with. Your girl has been reliving some heavy trauma this last year

But you know what is sexy as fuck? Dealing with your shit and working on yourself.

And today Friends — I just needed a fucking debrief.

Because if there is something I never did enough of in my life so far it is taking care of myself.

Lately it has just made me wonder how many other people are out there avoiding and not going after their dream and just kind of sliding by afraid to define who they really are —

I certainly know that this last year wasn’t just an annoyance for me but a wakeup call forcing me to redirect.

The truth is — I may not get my job back. I may have to have a new career. I may want other things now that align with the person I want to be. I may want a million other things — what I do know though is that it all starts with me.

So, friends — why did watching an eccentric dude, completely tattooed, and modified resonate with me? Because he is real. He is just insanely in love with himself and his passion.  But not in the way that you think makes someone full of themselves – just in the authentic excitement someone has, their passion that radiates through the screen. He treats his partner like a queen and that respect  – that is the kind of humans I want to align myself with. That is exactly where I need to start — that genuine love for myself. I get to figure out me again. I get a chance to have passion and adventures and really figure out the things that I like that keep my soul soaring, my cheeks hurting from smiling so much and the people I want to hug the most.

Now if you were thinking I was going to be a crazy fuck and end this post with a trip to Florida — to go see some ‘gators because personal growth. Well, you wouldn’t be wrong – it is now number one on my list for border re-openings.

I’m booking the tickets, baby, I’m ready for the ride.

‘Wins and Losses’ after a YEAR as an Arbonne Independent Consultant.

The nitty gritty truth is this – I could never be a “Hey Hun, wanna be part of this business opportunity” kind of gal. So right out of the gate this was a losing game for me.

I signed up at Arbonne as a consultant last year. My up-line convinced me straight out the gate to attend online GTC (Global Training Conference). The conference was the perfect introduction to Arbonne. My upline – she is a gem. I love her.

It was the PERFECT time to start out my Arbonne adventure because all the sudden I had time on my hands. Basically, life was going great – I finally quit my second job. I paid off a bunch of debt and now I had lots of free time. I had thought I would run this experiment about making money online. I was calling it the MLM experiment where I would just try and be a #bossbabe and really dive into an experiment I could document. I wanted to see if I could actually be a Arbonne babe. I saw everyone doing it and was certain that I could be that person too (well kinda certain).

I actually remember being in Huatulco for work when I decided it would be fun to join a MLM. I was so excited I filmed a YouTube video and posted it online. A lot of other flight attendants do this kind of work and make some serious money doing it.

So why couldn’t I follow that dream, make some extra cash and start looking like an Arbonne babe?

The flexibility of direct sales/network marketing is exactly what you need as a flight attendant. You can work when you want to work (even from your hotel room when you are all lonely) – you meet tons of people and to top it all off you do something good for your body or good for your skin and in general – easy to sell, right?! This definitely seemed like a win.

I think my biggest downfall was that while I LOVE Arbonne products. I hate trying to convince people to buy something ( an obvious loss). I am HORRIBLE at direct sales. And, I always felt awkward when I saw the look on peoples faces when I even mention that I used an Arbonne product (another thing in the loss category).

It is so interesting that because of the negative social media around Multi Level Marketing – people say no before they even attempt to try a product. You are demonized before you even start (another loss).

Truthfully though – there is an increasingly high statistic for people looking for direct sales jobs with flexible hours, that can be worked from home – so thanks global pandemic.

I truly think that the products are superior but being open minded enough to use them …. that remains to far fetched to be seen for the average anti- MLMer.

Anyway – I am not even going to pretend like that conference wasn’t the most motivational thing I have ever bought a ticket to. The energy was wild. The community is amazing. It made me feel like this kind of work was possible. Seeing the parade of women who made it to National Vice President or Regional Vice Present level, all the woman getting their keys to their Mercedes – Like ya, bitch, I want that. The truth is though less than 1% of people actively involved in a MLM make that kind of success.

I got sucked in because of the energy from the community. I bought the “I WANT IT ALL” package at the GTC – getting all the new and hot products, right out the gate. It was so damn exciting. But I knew I would never be able to be proactive MLMer.

I actually (not so) secretly LOVE Arbonne products.

I have purchased “30 day to Healthy Living” more than once. It is literally fantastic. It got my body feeling great and my digestion feeling on point. Probiotics and probiotics and digestive enzymes; love it. The protein powder is some of my favourite that I have ever tried.

I use the lotions, shower gels and makeup pallet. All of them pretty top notch products.

Face line – beautiful. Worth all the money.

Fizz sticks. Yup. Ever. Damn. Day.

I would recommend any of these products to anyone that asks. But I still never posted about it online. I always felt like it was a major attack on my friends and family. I never wanted to bother people and really felt like if anyone wanted the product they would know that I would be there for them.

I have never even sold one product. I had one person ask me to buy them something under my IC account and I turned them down. So overall – financially this project was a failure.

Wins and losses – definitely a win to be introduced to some amazing products. Definitely a win to meet a positive community. A win to be introduced to positivity but the losses out way that – I have never made a cent with Arbonne. I have spent a lot of money using products. I spent money on A LOT of products. The biggest loss is being a part of something that the internet you feel like is toxic. I truthfully believe people are into MLMs because of the positive mindset and community.

I am not sure if I will sign on for another year. I might for the discount. But only time will tell.

Are you a Arbonne Independent Consultant? successful? Tell me about it.

Also, my not so humble plea that if you want to try any Arbonne products – use my link

Eugenia Cooney is slowly dying while the world watches and nothing is getting done about it.

The role of the influencer is certainly an interesting one. You make videos of yourself and post them online. Eventually you get a following if you are consistent and entertaining enough. The theory is that anyone can do it. There are influencers in all areas, that cover some interesting and not so interesting topics. There are influencers for everyone. Once you reach a large enough audience you can basically market anything. This is primarily how these people make money.

But what if your influence isn’t about what kind of shampoo to buy or what protein powder is best but your influence is fostering an eating disorder with young women?!

Should you be allowed to continue on?

Should you be banned?

Should be have to have warnings on your content?

Should your content be age restricted?

What is your social responsibility as someone that has influence over millions of people watching your content?

Meet Eugenia Cooney.

I want to talk about Eugenia Cooney and her content.

Eugenia is a female Youtuber in her mid 20ies. I want to say 26. She is 5’6″ and last weighed in at 86 pounds.

Let that sink in.

She is visibly incredibly thin and not in the model sexy kind of way. She is thin in the SOMEONE TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL kind of way. She is visibly in the throws of an eating disorder.

In a video Shane Dawson did – there was conversation about having spent time in a “treatment centre” however there was never an admittance by her that she had an eating disorder or that there was something to be worried about. (Sidenote: She actually looked really healthy and pretty good on the video after her return from treatment.)

It was truthfully pretty scary that she took to the internet as soon as she returned home instead of taking care of her health and continuing to focus on her health journey.

Recently there is a petition going around to try to get her banned from social media so that she can spend time taking care of herself. Truthfully even with almost 50 000 signatures – it is unlikely that this will make a difference in social media banning her from producing content. It is clear that all she knows as a life is social media influencer. Be it Youtube or Twitch or whatever platform, she spends all of her time making content and showing off her very slender body.

The real truth is that SHE DOES NOT WANT ANY HELP (even though she desperately needs it).

Recently there has been a lot of discussion online about the decline of Eugenias’ health. There has been a resurgence of trying to get her care and a hope that collectively the audience can get her the help she needs and to see her return to a treatment centre. Back a few years ago, Jaclyn Glen put Eugenia in a situation were she was 5150’d and was forced into treatment because of her mental health. A 5150 is a 72 hours psychiatric hold that is involuntary. Once Eugenia was detained she then ended up in treatment for 6 months.

Upon her release she ended up returning to Youtube with a documentary that was orchestrated by Shawn Dawson (with the help of Kati Morton) the video seemed well intentioned but was not put together properly. It left Eugenia to pick up where she left off on social media which inevitably caused her demise and decent back into the grips of her eating disorder.

With 2.2 Million followers she is definitely someone of influence. She is absolutely showing young girls how to be and live as an anorexic. Her cosplay content showcasing her emaciated body should come with trigger warnings and be adult only content. This girl will absolutely lose her life while the world watches.

There have been so many creators try and help her out and it never works. Any type of criticism is received with the notion that people are haters. We, the people, created a world of cancel culture. And this is no different. Eugenia simply cancels anyone that makes a comment she does not like. If some one mentions her weight negatively – she calls them haters. If someone calls her anorexic – she claims she is fine. She talks in a high pitched tone and it appears the sicker she gets the higher pitched her voice becomes.

So what is the solution?

Stop watching in her content. Stop watching. Stop enabling.

Stop supporting the demise of a young woman.

I am truly not sure what the answer should be. I wouldn’t say I am an avid supporter of Eugenia because it isn’t really my interest: cosplay, Japanese animation, characters, anime in general. Just not my vibe. But the entire world is just watching her starve herself with nothing happening. It is crazy.

The truth is addiction and eating disorders are often enabled by people in your immediate life. In order for Eugenia to change there need to be a support system. It is going to be a completely new version of what her life is now, how she lives it and what it will look like without the pressures and ideals of social media. For a woman that makes all her income from being online – that is a HUGE career move. Not only does this affect her and her life but it also affects her family and their lives. It feels doubtful to me that she is NOT financially supporting her parents. So of course they would NOT be onboard to changing her career because their life suffers.

It is kind of like when kid actors get forced into more and more productions because their parents get accustoms to the money they are bringing in. Instead of saving their children’s money they start spending it. They then are requiring their children to continue to work so they can maintain their lifestyle. Selfish if you ask me – but happens all the time.

If you feel like you want to try and help … sign the petition linked here. And stop clicking on her videos.

Thoughts?!

Feeling Guilt About Unemployment?

Me too!

I was furloughed from my airline way back in March. I have tried a few times to look for work but nothing has really panned out. I don’t get calls back and recently in a pretty emotional conversation with my therapist I realized it was mostly rooted in GUILT!

Interesting right?

The thing is – I am not struggling, I am just not getting ahead. For many years I have put aside my creative mind to work jobs that I haven’t entirely been happy with because I needed the money. And because of that I haven’t had the time to pursue my passion projects.

So instead of looking for a job I realized that I could spend my time working on my creative endeavours and still sit comfortably in the situation I am in.

I realized I could have a gym routine.

I could try and have a healthy eating routine.

I could switch to mostly decaf.

I could spend time taking photos and making videos.

But when I do all of that I have a nagging guilt that I should be doing more. I should be contributing more to society. I should, I should, I should …

But at the end of the day I need to look out for me and my wants and needs.

Are you furloughed and struggling too?

Why can’t we just be okay with what we want to do? Why do we care what other people think of the choices we make?

I am a sensitive bitch and I care what people think – but actually I think I care too much.

I am learning a lot about myself during this master mess of a year. I am learning that I do a lot of things that other people like and have yet to really figure out what it is that I like.

I am learning that I am allowed to want different things at a different age. I am learning that my wants and needs have changed. I am learning to say no. I am learning to tell people when they are being shitty. I am learning to stand up for myself and my needs.

And, you should too!

There is nothing more empowering than being confident in your decision to do whatever makes you happy.

Because of many years in a bad financial situation I never took the time to develop my own hobbies and interests. And I never took the time to really work on the things that I thought were interesting. I would see people online doing stuff and really understand the privilege that they didn’t see.

I am not suggesting that you should be using this year to build a social media presence or build a brand and build a business – but I am suggesting that if you are at home and not working and have no idea what to do … it might be a good time to look within and figure out things you are passionate about OR work on some of the passion projects guilt free.

Today I sat down with you on YouTube and ate some nachos and really talked about all my scattered thoughts.

I talked about changes in aviation. I talked about wanting to use my travel benefits before they ran out. I talked about wanting to buy an adventure vehicle (and the cost). I talk about my dream to overland to Patagonia. I talked about depression and all sorts of stuff – really I laid into you about all the things I think about with all this free time.

And now I am here trying to figure out how to turn my dreams into a reality. Wouldn’t it be great to just have one massive dream come true?

You can watch it here (don’t forget to hit the subscribe button)

So if you are just out there feeling like I am feeling all guilty and shit – guilty for having free time that you earned after busting your butt for years to get here – I get you, I feel you and I am here for you.

You are allowed to do what you need to do to make you happy. If that means staying home and working on your YouTube or Blog or Sewing or whatever; I am here to say …

I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO GET IT DONE AND JUST BE.

Setting My Own Rules for The 75 Hard Challenge & Making a Commitment

One of  the many things that I struggle with it is weight loss.  I have SO many cookbooks and books – do this and do that – conflicting information at the best of times. The diet industry is one of the more profitable industries in the world. But even after all that reading and all the knowledge, I still struggle to lose weight. 

So much so that this year I considered the option of a bariatric surgery in Mexico. I feel desperate in my need to lose the weight, but I know what I really must do it heal my brain, heal my bad patterns, heal my emotional eating, heal myself.

I am tired of not feeling like I am beautiful. I am tired of being insecure because of my weight. I am tired of thinking that people are not interested in friendships and relationships because I am now a chubby gal. I am tired of treating myself like shit because I feel insecure about letting myself go. 

Everyone wants to lose weight, but no one wants to put in the work. 

Myself included.

Diet Coke is too delicious. Cake and potato chips are amazing. How can I say no to the cheesy pasta – I am the same way. 

SAME. SAME. SAME.

It is also true that I have an under active thyroid and crippling anxiety – coupled with 2020 depression that I am now medicated for AND seasonal depression quickly approaching. 

This year I am over  the life failures and I am not going to let that shit win …  with 75 days left in 2020 – I want to make a difference for myself. And to do that I must challenge myself.

Say Hello to Inspiration: Andie Frisella   

 And the Podcast

I am sure you have heard of at least the challenge – it is kind of a fitness craze these days – the 75 hard challenge. 

I am just going to break down the rules for you:

  • Follow a diet for 75 days … no cheating – if you cheat you start again
  • Workout 2x/day (one outside)
  • Drink a gallon of water a day
  • Read 10 pages of a nonfiction entrepreneurial book
  • Take progress pictures every day

It is the last 75 days of 2020 and I am in it to win it. I promised myself that if I ever have to put my uniform on again it is going to be to big. 100% if I tried that now it would be HELLA tight. I need to take back control of the kitchen. Take back control of my life. I decided that I can make rules for my own challenge and do things that take care of me and my needs. 

With my birthday and the holiday season coming up – I need to make sure I allow myself some celebration time and treats but teach myself to not go overboard. 

So friends, I am digging out all the stops. I am diving in the literature and programs and I am implementing it all. I have learned over the years that the only way you can achieve your goals is to make the tangible. What exactly am I going to do to make it work?

THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP: CHANGE YOUR MINDSET TO ‘YOU CAN’ AND ‘YOU WILL’

Then lets follow the rest of these steps: 

Follow a diet for 75 days. No cheating. No cakes or cookies or chocolate. No soft drinks
  • I have been a vegetarian for a long time. Most of my life. On and off vegan for some time. For this challenge I will be fully vegan. A whole foods vegan. I give myself permission to eat up anything remaining in my fridge (fake meats and cheeses but then it is done)
  • I will be using up my protein shake cupboard and my greens powders, pre and probiotic powders, skin elixirs and fizz sticks, detox teas and anything I need to use up 
  • I can drink sparkling water but no diet coke
2 workouts a day 
  • The kickboxing gym is open 6 days a week so Monday to Saturday I will kickbox
  • Beachbody on Demand I am current doing piyo so I will continue to follow that workout schedule until it is done. That is also 6 days a week.
  • Walking – great to get outside and explore.
  • There are always online workouts on BOD or on Youtube
Read every day. Read whatever you want. Just read for 20mins/day. Get back into fiction.
I will drink ½ my body weight in OZ of water/day. 
Journal your food & Journal how to you feel every day. Journal how you feel about your food choice. Use one of you MANY food journals and just do it. Just track your progress. 
Take progress photos once a week. 
Weigh in on Mondays

And that is it – this is Carol time – this is time to do this for you, for your body, for your mind. I want to finish 2020 strong and in control and feeling like even though everything else is out of control that I have control of making me a better me. 

If you want to join me on your own challenge drop a comment and we can be accountability buddies. I would love to have you and love to compare our personal 75 hard lists. 

Come Hang Out with me on Youtube

75 days – LETS DO THIS!

Setting Boundaries

If there is one thing that I find incredibly difficult it is setting boundaries with people.

Second to that is properly expressing my feelings when they are hurt.

I am a HIGHLY sensitive human.

Sensitive to the point that something that happened months ago can boil up and hurt me at an unsuspecting time. I have over the years known this about myself and mostly learned to deal with it. But on occasion it creeps in out of nowhere and I lose control.

2020 has thrown me a mind fuck of a time – I honestly didn’t really vision me being unemployed for this long. I didn’t vision me wondering what to do with my life. I also didn’t plan on setting my bar high and going after some long term dreams.

But here I am … just doing that.

In the last few weeks I have really started to feel like connecting with other humans has become increasingly difficult. I don’t know if it is the people that I have chosen as friends, my fear of making new friends, or just an overall feeling of complete social isolation … but some sort of shit is happening and it is powerful.

I have realized that I, for the most part, have been (in the past) a pretty chill human being. I am flexible wth plans and flexible with changes … or at least I thought. I guess until now. I think that because I want to have social/friend time I become too flexible to other peoples schedules and then forget about myself in the process.

2020 has made me realize that I need to be more selfish. I need to be better at sticking to my guns and doing what I want and following the lead of others and making sure I take care of myself first.

Setting this type of boundary has definitely shaken up a lot of my friendships and relationships.

When you set boundaries you change your role in friendships and relationships – you change you position and it changes the dynamic.

And it is hard.

REALLY HARD.

Very few people talk about what happens in your world when you set personal boundaries – it gets lonely.

It gets lonely because all the people that were taking advantage of you and not respecting you are now put into question.

It is really hard to stand up for yourself and see that you are worth it. Your schedule is worth it and that people that don’t respect you are not people worth having in your life.

Forging a new path, a new dream – it takes work and dedication. The same with deciding how to let people treat you. You set the bar for appropriate behaviour – you choose.

You are worth someones full attention.

You are worthy of being a priority.

You are worth you goals and dreams.

You are worth standing up for yourself and not taking any shit for anyone.

Setting boundaries and setting the pace for what I need, for me, is honestly some of the hardest things for me to do. Because when I set boundaries I feel like I lose out on things. And honestly that isn’t the truth.

When you set boundaries you don’t miss out on anything. You get everything that you need for you.

If someone doesn’t want to respect you or your boundaries – if they don’t want to treat you as human – they are not worth it.

2020 has been a great year for reflection and understanding. Setting new goals and aspirations and seeing the shifts that we are all making as we adapt to what is now the norm.

Today I challenge you to stand up for yourself and set one boundary that wasn’t there before. Loudly state something that you need that you aren’t getting because of an action you are allowing (from yourself or someone else) – see how that feels …. and grow from it.

Bigger or Better: Trading a Mint Condition Rolling Stone Grateful Dead Magazine.

Yesterday while scrolling endlessly through TikTok like the unemployed/furloughed bum I currently am I saw a girl trying to trade up a bobby pin for a house. She has gotten pretty far in her quest of items and I think it is totally rad.

This isn’t a new idea – this was originally accomplished by a Canadian man who eventually traded up for a house in Kipling, Saskatchewan.  2005 – One Red Paperclip, anyone?

Being that I am home and need to make use of my creative muscles I have decided on a quest of my own. I would like to trade my mint condition Grateful Dead Rolling Stones Magazine for a Sprinter van that I will convert to be my tiny home.

Ideally by the time next summer arrives but who knows really? This project might take some time.

IMG_1279

I decided to make a post on TikTok myself about it and will continue on in my quest until I am successful. So this is the magazine in its full glory. Crisp, clean and ready to be in someone else’s library of wicked finds. It originally cost me about $17 CAD. I am just looking to trade up for something a little bit bigger and a little bit better.

This project is a series of trade that will get me to my end goal on the dream van.

If you want to follow along I will be posting more about it on TikTok. The adventure vehicle is happening.  If you are interested in a trade please get at me. As long as it is bigger or better – and I can possible trade it. I will be taking all offers seriously.

If you think I am slightly crazy it is because I am – anything is possible if you have the right mind set! So come on an adventure with me while I get myself a tiny home by trading up bigger and better.

 

Acting The Part To Manifest Your Life

Some days I am just trucking along and it is like I see myself outside of my body doing things that I shouldn’t* be doing.

I tell myself I want to feel more comfortable in my skin, in my body, but I am also eating that extra bag of potato chips in my car because I was to lazy to make myself food. I stay in bed all day watching TikToks  – mindlessly scrolling through my life not caring about doing the things I could be doing to put myself into a better space.

I spend a lot of time thinking about the things that I want to do but not actually producing the things that I need to produce to do them.

Confidence. Motivation. Ambition. Drive.

Where did you go?

Is manifestation of personal greatness just an act or a role we play?

Do you ever see the vision of yourself and then all the sudden intrinsically understand why things are not working the way you want? Like you all the sudden one day understand how destructive your habits are to your sucess?

You can see yourself sitting in the fear, you can see yourself scared and not making a move? You can see yourself not the person you want to be because (although attainable) you just aren’t working for it? Like at all. Like never. Like you talk a big game about a goal but don’t actually pursue it – just talk about how you want it.

Are you scared you are going to fail?

I noticed this week that Sons of Anarchy was added into Netflix, and Friends, this is honestly one of my favourite TV shows. I have rewatched it SO MANY TIMES and as I was laying in my bed watching reruns the other night I took a pause and started to research some of the actors.

I saw a recent -ish picture of Ryan Hurst (in his Sikh turban) and Charlie Hunnam (all British and clean cut) and they were doing Kundalini yoga. It was so interesting and strange. I am binge watching them on a show where they are constantly drinking and smoking and being badass criminals – getting to know them as a character and to see them as people – in a normal life is an entirely different act. In this moment I really started thinking about how life is just an act. And you – you can create any character you want.

Can we as humans just decided we want to be something different and create it by acting the part?

Life is sometimes all about acting – How do you decide who you want to be?

In the plethora of self help book I have read they talk about the same things – creating your life and doing the things. Get up early, do the yoga, train your mind, train your body, create a path for yourself, follow through, don’t stop. Just never stop trying to achieve the dream. It is hard work, lonely work but you are worth it.

The problem with online creators and actors is that we just see the final product of one particular role. We never really see the work it takes to get to the final product and that is what my weekly epiphany was about; the behind the scenes of getting everything done – the hours of Jiujitsu to give you the body you want, the strict diets and the hard work. The discipline for success.

This week I am questioning my behind the scenes work ethic and if I am in fact doing the things I need to do to get it done.

Am I creating the part for myself where I am the leading character in my own life?

Are you?

You are the star of your show! How does the leading character act? Are you inline with that? Are you creating the ultimate dream role or are you the runner up, supporting role in your own drama?

 

 

 


* When I say I ‘shouldn’t’ be doing something it is a standard that I have set for myself. Obviously this is relative to you as a person and your own moral code and ethics.

How to Rule Your World? #grounded: 3 months later …

It’s been 3 months since I stopped working.

I have just been home, in Calgary, wondering what is next.

Today I got a company wide email that was a list of all the employees (flight attendants to be specific) and the number in which they will get called back to work. I am on the bottom rung. I will be the last of the Flight Attendants to get recalled. I have realized that will likely be 12-18 months away from now if – and only if – a miracle happens and we start flying at a regular full schedule sometime soon. In order for that to happen basically I will need Ms Corona to have disappeared or a vaccine to be introduced.

I don’t really fancy being on unemployment for an extended period of time. So now comes the hard part – figuring out what exactly I am going to do with my time. Inevitably – I am going to need to find a job.

I have no idea what that looks like.

Currently there is no wavering in my income – if I spend to much I just have less. There is no variation. There is no making more. There is no overtime.

I am the captain of my life and sometimes it is hard for me to really decide what direction I want to go in or what I actually want. It feels like I am here just existing in time.

Waiting for something.

Waiting but also …

Slightly lost. Slightly bored and slightly uncertain.

It is like I am experiencing burn out from doing nothing. Motivation is low – going out is sketchy and I am once again faced with the decision of what the heck I want to do.

While I have been off I have haphazardly started a whole bunch of projects. None of them I have completed. I have lost my focus and stopped caring about myself. I have become an all day snacker and I just can’t be asked to even try anymore.

Depressing really.

So I decided I need to step up to bat and rule my world & this is how it is done:

  1. Most important: Stop being a scaredy pants – push past fear!
  2. Realize that unless I make things happen for myself they are likely not going to happen.
  3. Stop listening to other peoples advice
  4. Just start. Get up and do something.
  5. Get off the unproductive internet YouTube binge watching (or insert phone scrolling, Netflix binge watching or whatever unproductive behaviour)
  6. Pick one of the many projects and work on that till it is done, then start the next project.
  7. Clean out your work space – create a workspace – find a work coffee shop. Just do something that says “hey this is my creative working space”.
  8. Don’t stop. Keep working on your dream.

It is very true that you often regret the adventurous things that you never end up doing.

So what are you waiting for?

Who knows what the next couple of months have in store for me – but stay tuned as I adventure through the rest of 2020.

Meatless Monday: Red Curry Pizza

If you love a red curry and you love pizza – you are gonna love this mash up. Basically I take all the goodness of a red curry and make it into a pizza.  This is going to take you a hot minute to make because fresh dough – but it is so worth it.

Also, if you happen to have left overs – it tastes great cold. It is loaded with veggies and light -ish on the fats and it makes pizza sort of taste healthier than it should and I love that about this.

It will probably take 40 mins to throw together with all the chopping and prepping. It makes one medium sized pizza. 

I promise you  – it’s worth it.  

Lets make pizza – things you will need:

The no-yeast Pizza Crust:

  • 1 ½ cups of flour (white, whole wheat or combo of both)
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp salt
  • ½ tsp black pepper
  • 1 flax egg (I tablespoon of ground flax + 2.5 tablespoons of water)
  • ¼ cup light flavoured oil (do not use coconut oil)
  • ½ cup unsweetened almond milk
  • ½ tsp dried ginger 
  • ½ tsp garlic powder

Red Curry Pizza Sauce:

  • 1 cup full fat canned coconut milk
  • 1 tablespoon red curry paste
  •  I tablespoon brown sugar

Toppings:

  • 1/2 cup frozen corn & jalapeno mix
  • 1 medium carrot grated
  • 1/2 red pepper, cut into strips
  • 1/2 yellow peppers, cut into strips
  • 1/2 white onion, diced
  • Green onion & Cilantro 

Dipping Sauce:

  • 4 tablespoons of powdered peanut butter + 3 tablespoons water
  • 1 tablespoon of Braggs Liquid Aminos

 

Preheat over to 425F. Lightly spray pizza pan with a cooking spray.  In a large bowl make the flax egg (the flax egg needs about 10 minutes to thicken up – chop some veggies while you wait). Then into the flax egg add oil and almond milk. Mix in flour, baking soda, salt, pepper and other spices. Mix until dough forms. Put dough onto pizza pan/sheet and work it into a thin layer covering the entire baking sheet. This is a bit of a process – you need to work the dough into the sheet. Cook in oven for 10 mins. 

While the crust is baking you need to make the sauce for the pizza: mix together the coconut milk, brown sugar and  red curry paste.

Once the first 10 minutes is up take pizza crust out of  the oven add red curry sauce and toppings (except the green onion and cilantro) then baking for another 12-15 mins.

Once the pizza is out of the oven – mix up the powdered peanut butter, Braggs and water to make a dipping sauce. Then top the pizza with green onions and cilantro. 

That is it, Friends – Red Curry Pizza!

Recipe Notes:

The toppings can vary – I have made this with spinach and also with bean sprouts. Use what you have that you think would fit into a red curry flavour profile. 

You need to use the full fat coconut milk because it is thick and creamy and this is the sauce for the pizza. 

You could also add some vegan cheese to the top. I would stick to a classic “white cheese” type of vegan cheese. That being said you don’t really need it.

You could also probably add a vegan chicken or soy curls to bump up the protein.

The dipping sauce could be made with almond butter or regular peanut butter – I just find the powdered peanut butter makes it really saucy (and cuts down on some of the calories)


 

I really hope you love this one as much as I do! 

Follow along here for more Meatless Monday tips – and other Monday plant based lifestyle chats.